The Fertility Coach at Coaching Rocks

Lisa’s Story

July 26, 2018 by Lisa Lafave Leave a Comment

Hello, I am Lisa Lafave, the Fertility Coach from Coaching Rocks, LLC. I am certified with the International Coaching Federation, and the Institute of Integrative Nutrition. I was originally trained as a Clinical Psychologist and have expertise in working with children and families. Likewise, I hold an Executive MBA.

I am a single mom by choice and got my dream children after 15 years of trying multiple methods. I started my journey with surrogacy, but quickly shied away from it. Then I began artificial insemination, with the benefit of Clomid to encourage multiple eggs to release. I didn’t stick with this method very long, as I had some fundamental concerns. I had a number of illnesses, and was prescribed multiple medications. I worried about how I would exist, without the support of these medicines, if I were to stop them, while trying to conceive. Moreover, I worried about what impact these medicines would have on a developing fetus in my womb.

Next, I tried domestic adoption. I quickly learned that as a single, older mom, very few pregnant young women would want me to raise their child. These ladies were primarily looking for young couples to raise the babies they were adopting out.

I figured perhaps governments from other countries would be more forgiving. So next, I turned to international adoption, in which I attempted to adopt from Brazil. I had always wanted to travel to Rio andI was told they had babies there that looked like me! So I started my journey. I learned all the ins and outs of International Adoption. I completed all of my paperwork and received permission from both governments to get my children. I was seeking a sibling pair of two under 5 years old. I was simply waiting for the “cejas,” their equivalent of a social worker to pair me with my children. I waited, and I waited. After several years, 4 to 5 years to be exact, my adoption was halted by an argument, about the Haugue Convention, between Brazil and the United States. The governments simply could come to a resolution. Brazil ultimately told the United States that they had successfully adopted children out to other countries and didn’t the USA at all. That left me in the lurch! I felt like I’d been hit in the stomach. I needed to quickly readjust and change my game. To start with a new country, I would have to go back to the beginning and re-do my home study. I wasn’t willing to retrace my steps, with a new country in mind.

In the end, I jumped whole heartedly back into the surrogacy boat. During this phase of my process, I hired a contract lawyer, Jon Pinney, and was being coached through the surrogacy, by Ann Durand. This was crucial. This gave me two people to bounce ideas off of. This definitely helped me to speed through the surrogacy process and get my dream children at lightning speed.

I used Surrogacy Alternatives Inc (SAI) to obtain my surrogate. SAI has been around since about 1998. I worked with both Diana Olmeda, the President and Ann Marie Aversano-Miranda, the VP. I would highly recommend them. They were very professional and extremely involved in every aspect of my process. I was guided by Ann Miranda to choose an excellent surrogate. My surrogate made a great difference in my overall experience. She was informative and kept me involved every few weeks with updates and what not.

My fertility lawyer was Rich Vaugn, of International Fertility Law Group, formally National Fertility Law Center (NFLC). In my case, my babies were mine, five months before their due date, in my surrogates body, signed off by a judge, in a court of law. This put me in a very comfortable position. I really didn’t need to worry about my surrogate was going to run off with my babies. I had the law on my side. Really and truly I never carried any of those fears in my heart. My surrogate was steady and knew she was doing this to help me create my family.

Concerning the medical aspects of the surrogacy arrangement, I chose to work with Dr. David Smottrich from La Jolla IVF. Dr Smotrich was amazing to work with. He was straight forward and informative. His location is key. Not only is San Diego, California a hot bed of surrogacy, but Calfornia is ahead of most of the rest of the country, as regards fertility law. Fortunately for me, SAI, La Jolla , and NFLC were very comfortable working with one another.

I used an anonymous sperm donor (obtained from Xytec) who was 21 and an egg donor who was 19 to create my embryos. In my estimation, I was too old to use my own eggs. The two embryos were transferred to my surrogate, who was 26, at the time of the transfer. I was present during the transfer, and it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life, because I was actually able to see my babies on the screen. They simply looked like two bright pinholes of light on a gray background. I was so taken aback, that I could actually see my babies, at this very early stage in their development. What a moment! I surprised myself, by completely bursting into tears. Truly amazing! Never miss this moment, if you can help it!

My twin boys were born, at Kaiser Permanente of San Diego, when I was 49 1/2 years old, 13 months after consolidating all my efforts into surrogacy. I was present for the birth as well, which was another peak experience in my life. I cut the cord and damn near felt like I should be smoking a cigar!

When the boys were 5 years old, I donated out the remaining two embryos to a known donor. In the end, unfortunately, no baby resulted from this thaw and transfer process. What I can tell you, is that embryo donation is a completely emotionally distressing process. And such a surprise. The emotions I endured seemed to come out of nowhere! Yet everyone seems to go through this same agonizing process. I only know because I am a member of closed Facebook group for embryo donors.

The CDC explains that in 2006 – 2010, 11.9% of women struggled with infertility. Of this group of 7.4 million women, 29% sought medical intervention to help them pursue their dream of having a baby.

This is merely to show that you are not alone. You may feel alone, but in reality many of the women around you are struggling with the same issues. Roughly 1 in 8 couples have to deal with issues of infertility. Infertility is a roller coaster ride of emotions. Anxiety, depression and irritability can make getting pregnant even more difficult. High levels of cortisol negatively impact fertility. Reducing negative emotions during the time you are trying to conceive is key.

I would like to help you handle any of the obstacles you may have encountered in growing your family. I would like you to have your transformation from single person or couple, to family, faster than mine took. I would like to coach you to see your options and seek out the one most suited to you. Most importantly, I would like to see you can get that dream baby in your arms and be called Mom or Dad sooner, instead of later. I will be there for you every step of the way, in your journey to bring your dream baby home, no matter what method you choose. At Coaching Rocks we don’t merely drop you simply because you decide to go down a new avenue to bring your baby home.

Never Forget the Dream and Leap Into Action!

Lisa,

Lisa J Lafave, PhD, MBA, ACC, BCC

CEO & Founder of Coaching Rocks

The Fertility Coach at Coaching Rocks

A Single Mom By Choice Raising Surrogacy Twin Boys

Written in My Little Brick in University Heights, Ohio

Finding Your Fertile Phase

July 13, 2018 by Lisa Lafave

In order to become pregnant, you will want to know, when you ovulate, and when the fertile phase of your cycle begins. Fortunately, much research has already been conducted to ferret this out for you. With some know how, and a bit of effort on your part, you can really zero in on, when to have sex, in order to create your dream baby. You may already know that women often take their temperature, before they get up in the morning, to help them get pregnant. But what is this all about, and what are those women looking for anyway? What other signs might help you know when you ovulate?

Rotzer, from Austria was the innovator of the Symptothermal Method (STM). He engaged in extensive research of thousands women’s cycles, with the help of his first his wife and latter his daughter, beginning as early as 1951. He referred to his method as natural conception regulation (NCR), which was permitted by the church. He noted that a woman’s waking basal body temperature (BBT) rises slightly during her fertile days. As a result, women can differentiate between their fertile, and infertile days of the month by tracking BBT daily. Rotzer further noted that vaginal secretions change, during the fertile phase. Finally, Rotzer’s wife related she experienced a slight pain in her lower abdomen, when her temperature rose. This pain was noted as a sign of ovulation.

More recently Hermann Frank in 2007, found that 0.6 % of women became pregnant, using the Symptothermal Based Method (STM) or the Fertility Awareness Method (FAM). Thus SMT was 99.4% effective as a form of contraception.

The Fertility Authority at www.fertilityauthority.com suggests that when you ovulate, you will see a slight rise (approximately 0.4 degrees Fahrenhite) in body temperature, upon waking, before getting up, or using the bathroom. They suggest using a basal body thermometer, which is more precise, and measures to the tenth of a degree. These can easily be purchased online.

The Red Tent Sisters, Amy and Kim Sedgewick, from Canada, explain that you can gain powerful information about your fertile, and infertile days, from tracking three pieces of information daily, namely, 1) basal body temperature (BBT), 2) position of the cervix, essentially, high or low, and 3) quality, and quantity of cervical mucus.

Spinbarkite mucus, or cervical mucus hangs down from the cervix, and acts as a wick for the sperm to crawl along, to get into the uterus. It’s sole job is to help a woman get pregnant. It is present, during a woman’s fertile phase. Spinbarkite mucus is clear, stretchy and plentiful. It is the consistency of raw egg white.

What follows are few more comments, from www.FertilityAuthority.com, about aspects of the cervix, or neck of the uterus, during various phases of your cycle. When the cervix is said to be “high,” it is up toward the top of the vagina, and may be hard to reach with your fingertips. When the cervix is said to be “low,” in the vagina, it is hanging down like a nose, and it’s bulbar shape can be felt by your fingertips. During the fertile phase, the cervix is open, high up in your vagina, if not seeming to have disappeared, and soft, like your lips. The acronym to remember the aspects of the cervix, during the fertile phase, is SHOW, or soft, high, open, and wet. During the non-fertile phase, the cervix is low, closed, and hard, like your nose. Essentially, during ovulation the “os” or the door, if you will, of the cervix opens to allow sperm in to fertilize the egg, that has been released into the fallopian tubes. The os is closed, at other times in the cycle. Your body is designed to always try to get you pregnant. Once you are pregnant, the os will close firmly, for many months, during your baby’s gestation.

The Red tent sisters explain that you ovulate one day a month, but your fertile phase lasts 5 days. How can this be? Sperm can live inside the female body for 5 days. So if sperm arrives before ovulation, and then hangs around, until ovulation, the combined effect yields a 5 day window of fertility. The sperm either fertilizes an egg, or dies waiting for ovulation to occur. In guestimating the fertile phase, the Red Tent sisters claim that is highly important to consider together what both the male, and female bring to the party regarding fertility. What really counts is the combined effect!

By tracking basal body temperature (BBT), cervical position and texture, and cervical mucus, the Sedgewicks contend women can know when to avoid sex, to avoid an unwanted pregnancy, or have sex, in order to achieve conception, and pregnancy. The Red Tent Sisters explain that this is the Justisse System, and note the Justisse app is on its way. The Sedgewick sisters suggest that this method can be used in combination with other methods of contraception, such as condoms to avoid pregnancy, and sexually transmitted diseases. To learn more from the Sedgewicks, go to their website www.RedTentSisters.com.

In summary, you can track daily, various bodily signs of your cycle, to figure out when the fertile part of your cycle occurs. To gain powerful information, about when to have sex, in order to get pregnant, record your basal body temperature (BBT), and cervical discharge daily, as well as the aspects of your cervix. If you get used to doing this to avoid pregnancy, you will be ahead of the game, when you actually want to get pregnant. You will already have discovered, the signs of your fertile phase, and will know when to have sex, to create a baby.

You will know that during your fertile phase, 1) your basal body temperature (BBT) rises slightly, 2) your cervix is soft, high, open, and wet, and 3) there is a lot of stretchy and clear Spinbarkite mucus present. These are all healthy signs that your body working, just as it is designed, and is trying to get you pregnant!

I hope this next attempt, leads to the result you are looking for,

Lisa

Lisa J Lafave, PhD, MBA, ACC, BCC

CEO & Founder of Coaching Rocks

The Fertility Coach at Coaching Rocks

A Single Mom By Choice Raising Surrogacy Twin Boys

Written in My Little Brick in University Heights, Ohio

Infertility Woes

June 25, 2016 by Lisa Lafave

I spent approximately 15 years of my life trying to create my family. As a good friend notes, “It took more than just dinner and a movie!”

I tried through a variety of methods including the old fashioned way, artificial insemination with Clomid and donor sperm, domestic adoption, international adoption and surrogacy using donor sperm and donor egg. I was fortunate enough to stop my journey there which resulted in two lovely baby boys.

Despite my protracted process, I never went through years of depression, sorrow or regret about my process. I don’t know what enabled me to pursue my children passionately, yet escape sorrow about not yet having them in tow. Interestingly, I did not even tell myself everything will work out in the end.

Early in my journey, I came in contact with several women 15-20 years my senior, who had little to no access to many of the baby making avenues available today. As a result, these women were unfortunately rendered childless. They were denied the baby of their dreams. Each of these women, who I met in shops and boutiques, cried on my shoulder as they told me their story, after I told them mine. I shuttered each time I heard such a story, because I was not through my journey and still didn’t know if I would end up like them, forever an auntie and never a mom.

Somewhere in the middle, I had the chance to participate in a group with women quite a bit my junior, who were frustrated and upset about not getting pregnant, when they wanted to be pregnant. I realized I didn’t really fit in this group because I was not feeling the amount of stress they were experiencing. I felt their distress was totally legitimate, yet still had no answer as to why or how I had been protected from sorrow and seemed to float somewhere else oblivious to this seemingly typical pain while pursuing my goal.

I did have some sense of wasting time and being out of sync with my peers, but it was never something that caused me to fall apart or end up curled up in a ball in my bed. All I can say now is, “Thank God I didn’t have to experience that part.” It would have made it so much harder to rally and move forward in my process.

Since my children have been born, I have become active in a Single Moms By Choice group on Facebook. Through this process, as well as, general discussions with women trying to conceive, I have become even more acutely aware of the strife that goes on when trying to conceive and coming up empty handed over and over again. Our group is highly responsive and champions each other, as well as helps in problem solving when needed. Our group’s focus is not only about getting pregnant and being pregnant and delivering babies, but also about helping each other once the babies have arrived.

The Single Moms By Choice that I’ve come in contact with are strong women who have decided that for one reason or another that it’s high time to move forward and create their families, without a man or a partner to share the journey with. Each one of us decided to have families without spouses or partners. We have all had a strong drive to mother that couldn’t be denied.

Many forces have come into play for those of us who have delayed conception while allowing other goals and dreams to come first. Some of us have not felt ready yet, or simply never found the right partner to embark on such a journey with. Delaying the process has been the outcome which, of course as the years pass by, reduces the chance of success occurring naturally, without some type of intervention. However, today as never before, there are so many more options available to help those who want to have a baby.

Once my children turned 5, I had frozen embryos to deal with. I found someone who was looking to expand her family after difficulty getting pregnant with her own DNA. She desperately wanted a sibling for her young son! Once all the legal documentation was in place, I donated my remaining frozen embryos to her. Despite adequate thawing, the transfer was not a success. The wished for babies would not be born.

Interestingly, my emotional response to donating my frozen embryos was nothing short of heart wrenching, despite the fact that I no longer had the resources nor wear withal to raise more children. Go figure? All I can say is emotions are funny!

It occurs to me now in retrospect that I saved up or postponed all of that angst until the bitter end, when I was giving up my last hold out for a fertile moment. I had two thriving boys, but no girl. Was my baby girl right there amongst those frozen embryos? I come from a larger family with six kids. What held me back from reaching for that last child? I can tell you in one word! Practicality! I already had my boys and they were enough. I was lucky to have two darling ones that call me Mommy. I really didn’t need to upset the apple cart. I didn’t need to spread myself thin. That said, I can tell you with certainty that it did hurt!

What I know is that facing fertility woes on your own is tough. Weathering the storm can be made easier by having someone in your court who cares about you and is ready to hear about all the nuances of the process as you set sail on your journey.

If you are feeling like you’d like to have a fertility coach at your side, reach out to me at Contact Lisa and we can schedule some time together by phone.

All my best,

Lisa

Lisa J Lafave, PHD, MBA, ACC, BCC
CEO & Founder of Coaching Rocks, LLC
The Fertility Coach at Coaching Rocks
A Single Mom By Choice Raising Surrogacy Twin Boys
Written in My Little Brick in University Heights, OH

Leap Into Action!

Despite ADHD, Let’s Get That Dissertation Done!

July 4, 2015 by Lisa Lafave

DESPITE ADHD, LET’S GET THAT DISSERTATION DONE!

Are you having trouble making headway on your dissertation? In this group coaching group you’ll learn strategies to Turn your ADHD off and Turn Flow on. You will learn how to effortlessly move toward a done dissertation!

Topics to be Covered:

Executive Function Problems and ADHD
Procrastination and Missed Deadlines
Best Techniques for Good Time Management
Getting into Flow
The Importance of Persistence

WHEN: Group meets with ADHD ABD folks on Tuesdays at 2:00 PM til 3:00 PM

START DATE: Group will commence on July 14th, 2015 on a Bridgeline. Group meets for 4 consecutive weeks.

FEES: None. Totally free to ABD students

REGISTRATION: https://www.EventBrite.com/e/lets-get-that-dissertation-done-even-though-you-do-have-ADHD/17534209292/