Everyone who has a baby the traditional way has their birth story. You will have a birth story too. What is unique is your conception story. It isn’t just dinner and a movie! In fact, it’s far more complicated! Some couples are unaware of the exact moment of conception. Others are keenly aware.
If you attend the embryo transfer, and I highly recommend that you do, you will not be present for the exact moment of conception, but for a very significant moment in the development of your child. The transfer was an extremely important moment in my life. A peak moment, if you will.
You will be surprised how many people will ask you questions about why your kids don’t have a father. And every time it will beg you to tell your surrogacy story. If you have time you may be pleased to educate and share the specifics of your story. Other times you’ll be frankly too busy! However, I do believe that your openness will inform your children as to how open they may be!
And people will ask your children about it too. So they need to be prepared for some answers.
When my boys were 2-3 years old Gilie asked me, “Mama how come we don’t have a Daddy?” I told him, “We just weren’t lucky enough!” I expounded that I wished we had a Daddy in our family, but that when it came right down to it, Mama just hadn’t been lucky enough to find the right guy.
About a month later, when we were at Family Place at the JCC, a friend from their class asked Giles why he didn’t have a Dad. You know what he said? He said, “We just weren’t lucky enough!” I was so glad I had given him the words already and so impressed that he remembered verbatim what I had said!
One friend who is the the mother of twins through surrogacy said to me, “I don’t know why I should talk about my kids’ conception, when no one else talks about their kid’s conceptio
Have it anyway you want! Talk it up or talk it down! Just realize this is something you will have to figure out. You will have to develop your own style, as to how you will handle these inquiries. Best of luck in your journey.
Comment below about the most surprising questions complete strangers have asked you about your family.
Lisa J Lafave, PhD, MBA, ACC
The Surrogacy Coach from Surrogacy Rocks
CEO & Founder of Coaching Rocks, LLC
A Single Mom By Choice Raising Surrogacy Twin Boys
Written in My Little Brick in University Heights, Ohio
As I prepared for my back surgery, I looked for family and friends who might be able to take my children for a weekend. My brother Willie and his wife Bonny graciously accepted caring for my boys this past weekend. Although it is a huge favor to ask someone to look after your children, there are dividends for everyone involved. I went through this process last spring when my son Giles had open heart surgery. Several families took my son Jarvie, so I could be home with Giles and help him calmly recover from his surgery. Of course, I owe a huge debt of gratitude to each of these families. My sister Annie played a special role last summer and not only cared for Jarvie here in Cleveland but also took him home to Boston for 10 days!
What I’ve discovered is that the intimacy that develops from providing primary care to a young child allows love to grow and bonds to form that without these special circumstances would never have been forged! Can you see the love?