• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Lisa J Lafave

The Fertility Coach

  • About
  • Lisa’s Story
  • The Fertility Coach
  • Inspirational Quotes
  • Contact Us
  • Blog
You are here: Home / Archives for Surrogate

Surrogate

Surrogacy

June 27, 2018 by Lisa Lafave

For some people, if they really want a baby, Surrogacy just might be their only option. It works well when people have enough money to fund the project, which just might cost upwards of $135K, and are unable to create a baby, with even the assistance of more traditional IVF.

In traditional IVF, the mother takes shots of a medicine like Clomid, to help her hyper secrete eggs, which can then be removed from her body, such that egg and sperm can be joined outside the womb, in a laboratory. Once the cells have been allowed to divide and grow for about 5 days in a Petri dish, the best of the embryos are chosen and then placed in the intended mother’s body. The embryo transfer occurs at just the right time, in the intended mother’s cycle, through the benefits of medicine, to help her intrauterine lining build up enough to create an environment, in which the fledgling embryo can, not only attach to the the uterine lining, but also thrive and multiply.

In surrogacy, an individual or a couple may opt to use their own DNA along with that of their partner’s DNA, or use either, or both donor egg and donor sperm. Again egg and sperm are joined outside the surrogate’s body, and left for about five days to mature, before the embryo transfer is made into the surrogate’s body, where it will hopefully remain until birth. Thus the difference between more traditional IVF, and IVF in the case of Surrogacy is that the embryo in traditional IVF goes inside the intended mother’s body, while in Surrogacy the embryo is transferred to the surrogate. In the case of Surrogacy, the intended mother then waits roughly 10 months patiently for her baby, while it is gestating inside the surrogate’s body.

Surrogacy involves interfacing with a variety of people and agencies and companies. First there are the sperm banks and the agencies that provide access to the egg donors and or surrogates. There will be people to meet and get to know at these agencies, who may guide and direct you. These people may be key in your process.

Couples or individuals need to make careful work of determining what parameters make for the ideal egg donor or sperm donor, and then set out to find someone, who matches up to that ideal, more or less. Then, you may be interviewing egg donors and surrogates. As you can imagine, the surrogate you choose will be a crucial person in this experience. You can develop a relationship with this person that may be close, or more distant, depending on each of your needs and temperaments. She will be a major resource for information, regarding your developing child. You will want to be sure to treat her, at all times, with the respect she deserves in this process.

You may also interview IVF doctors at various companies, and determine who will be your fertility lawyer, for your whole journey, or various legs of your journey. You want to be sure to use an experienced doctor, and lawyer, so you can get the best advice, as to how to proceed in various scenarios.

If all goes well, there will also be personnel at the hospital that will be important, as the surrogate goes through the labor and delivery, and then hands your dream baby over to you. Depending on where you are in the country, staff at the hospital may be more, or less experienced with surrogacy. This will in turn affect how they relate to you, as the intended parent, as well as, how they treat your surrogate.

How you treat each of these people will affect your experience with your process. So you want to pull out all of your people skills, and use them wisely, as you meet, and interact with these folks. You may be surprised to find that at different times you are going to need their help, with different aspects of your surrogacy process.

Coaching Rocks understands how sensitive and critical each step in the Surrogacy process is. Couples and individuals seeking a baby through Surrogacy are likely to want to discuss each step of the journey, and may need help in establishing what their next step in the journey is. Frustrations, with the process, need a place where they can be vented, in order to move the process forward.

Do you think Surrogacy might right for you? First consider, do you have the funds for Surrogacy, as well as, enough money to raise your baby, once the baby is born? If you will be financially wiped out by the surrogacy process, this is probably not the right method for you to select, to create your family, or add another baby to your family.

Never Forget the Dream and Don’t Forget to Leap Into Action,

Lisa

Lisa J Lafave, PhD, MBA, ACC, BCC
CEO & Founder of Coaching Rocks, LLC
The Surrogacy Coach of Coaching Rocks
A Single Mom By Choice Raising Surrogacy Twin Boys
Written in My Little Brick in University Hts, Ohio

Filed Under: Dream Baby aka Babies Rock, Infertility Treatments, Surrogacy Made Easy Tagged With: Coaching Rocks, Egg Donor, Fertility Lawyer, Infertility treatments, IVF doctor, Lisa J Lafave, Lisa Lafave, Sperm Donor, Surrogacy, Surrogate, The Surrogacy Coach at Coaching Rocks

The Relationship with Your Surrogate

September 13, 2015 by Lisa Lafave

Your relationship with your surrogate will be an interesting one to co-create. You will likely have several phone calls with her before, and during the pregnancy. You will want to bond with her to a certain extent, but you will have to be respectful of her desire or lack thereof for closeness with you.

It may not be immediately apparent why it is important for you to travel to the doctor’s office and be present for the transfer of the embryo(s) into the surrogate, but suffice it to say it is important.

Being present at the transfer is one way to connect with your surrogate. I suggest that you make the effort to meet your surrogate at the doctor’s office the day of the transfer. This is a way of showing support to the surrogate and acknowledging the doctor’s special contribution. However, it is also a very important experience for you! You will not want to miss it for any of the three reasons mentioned above. Just be sure to be present the day of the transfer. I cannot stress the importance of this day and your presence enough! It is of utmost importance that you be present at the transfer. Do not let it pass you by.

Initially, you will be waiting for news from the doctor to hear if the embryo implanted and pregnancy took place. Then you will be waiting to hear if the embryo stuck and if the pregnancy is viable. Once these things have taken place you will want information from the surrogate, from time to time, about how she is doing and about the status of your baby growing inside her, but you will also not want to crowd her. You will want her to be as comfortable, as possible, while she carries your baby.

It might be best to talk about how much communication you each would like to have and when and how that communication will take place. For example, who will initiate contact and how frequently will the contact occur? Obviously, you will want to hear news, as soon as possible, if something goes wrong, but generally speaking when all is well will contact occur every other week or only after she has seen the doctor? Together you can figure these details out regarding what system works for you. My point is it might be best to hammer out how and when you expect to have contact, so everyone’s needs are respectfully served through out the surrogacy process.

Your surrogate will play a significant role in your life. She will give you one of the most important gifts in your life. She will bring your baby to life. Quite possibly no one other than your own mother at the time of your own birth has given you a gift of this magnitude. A part of you will be forever in her debt.

Depending on your relationship with your surrogate and your surrogate herself, you may even be in the room, while she is in labor and possibly even in the delivery room, when the baby arrives. This is a special relationship indeed.

You will want to honor her in some special way and acknowledge the birth itself. After the birth, you may send her flowers or bring a small gift to commemorate the experience. Your thoughtfulness will touch her.

Since my surrogate chose not see the babies after giving birth, while she was in the hospital, I invited her and her family to visit us at the resort I was staying at. She welcomed the visit and we all spent about four hours together. I believe she felt it was safe to see the babies once she had passed the maternal torch to me and I was firmly on board as their mother. Approximately two and a half weeks had passed between the delivery and the visit, since my boys were in the NICU as healthy feeder growers for 18 days. It was nice to see my surrogate with her family and the twins. Her husband, her son and daughter, her brother and her mother all attended the visit. In addition, the director at SAI, Ann Miranda and her daughter joined us for the visit.

My surrogate’s little girl always wanted to hold the babies. That day, I made sure that little girl got her wish! I like to think everyone was comforted by the visit. The next day my family and I were bound for home via two airplanes and a limo! Don’t worry we did have a friend along for the ride who was very instrumental in assuring that we were safe and well taken care of every step of the way!

I have never forgotten my surrogate and the gift she bestowed upon my family and you will never forget yours. Spend as much time with her as you can. Do whatever you can to deepen your relationship with her. Opportunities present themselves 1) when you initially interview your surrogate, 2) the day of the transfer, 3) the day of the birth, 4) a visit in the hospital after the babies have been born, 5) a visit after the bab(ies) are released from the hospital. These experiences and later memories are important. They become part of your story regarding how you created your family. Enjoy them!

Lisa J Lafave, PhD, MBA, ACC
The Surrogacy Coach from Surrogacy Rocks
CEO & Founder of Coaching Rocks, LLC
A Single Mom By Choice of Surrogacy Twin Boys
Written in My Little Brick in University Heights, Ohio

Leap Into Action!

Filed Under: Surrogacy Made Easy Tagged With: A Single Mom By Choice, Coaching Rocks, Lisa J Lafave, Lisa Lafave, Single Mom By Choice, Surrogacy, Surrogacy Rocks, Surrogate, The Surrogacy Coach, The Surrogacy Rocks Coach

What If You Had A Multiple Birth?

July 14, 2015 by Lisa Lafave

You know multiple births do happen with a certain amount of specificity in the surrogacy world. What if it happened to you?

I was advised that if I really wanted a baby, I should likely transfer two or three embryos into the womb of my surrogate. Apparently, the shear presence of the first embryo helps the second to implant.

In my case, I elected to have two embryos transferred. I was anticipating one, but prepared to handle twins. Conversely, I felt completely overwhelmed by the chance of having triplets.

As I have mentioned somewhere else, I had the opportunity to meet a Dad, who had one child and wanted a second. He and his wife struggled with conception and opted for IVF. They put two embryos in and one split yielding a set of identical twins and a third baby, meaning triplets, in addition to the child they already had. Their reality became four children, not the two they were hoping for.

How would you feel if you ended up with twins, or triplets, or even quadrulets? How would you manage? Who would help you? How would you cope financially? Would you have to move?

There is a family locally that I know of who had one child, a set of quads and then another child. I remember the first time I encountered them. They were shopping at Heinens. Mom was there with a double stroller, pushing the kids, with a babysitter, behind her, pushing yet another double stroller. I thought heck who has space for the groceries, when there are so many children to manage. All I could imagine is that they must shop every day!

This family belongs to the JCC were my boys attended pre-K for three years so we saw this family on a number of occasions and I must say I always shook in my boots, thinking, “What if …”

In any event, it is now time that you consider how many embryos you want to transfer and what the consequences might be.

Please write a comment about what provisions you would put in place in case you had triplets or quadruplets or even more children from one pregnancy.

Don’t get too worried, the incidence of identical quadruplets is 64 million!

Lisa J Lafave, PhD, MBA, ACC
The Surrogacy Coach from Surrogacy Rocks
CEO & Founder of Coaching Rocks, LLC
A Single Mom By Choice Raising Surrogacy Twin Boys
Written in My Little Brick in University Heights, Ohio

Filed Under: Surrogacy Made Easy Tagged With: Coaching Rocks, Conception, Embryo transfer, IVF, Lisa J Lafave, Lisa Lafave, multiple births, quadruplets, Surrogacy, Surrogacy Rocks, Surrogate, The Surrogacy Coach, The Surrogacy Rocks Coach, triplets, Twins

Are your Finances in Order?

July 6, 2015 by Lisa Lafave

Just ask yourself do you have the extra that it takes to get started here?  Do you have enough once you are through the surrogacy journey to raise you son or daughter or perhaps both.  You know I met someone once who did surrogacy and put in two embryos, as I did, but in his case one split!  The result, tripletts of course.  I was terrified of having trips!  But you have to be prepared.

Babies are expensive business!  Everyone knows that. Surrogacy is an even more expensive proposition, because in this operation, everyone gets paid and you, my friend, are the bank!  No two ways around it!  Everyone gets paid.  In fact there were times in my own case were I had to pay three lawyers for one transaction!  I had a lawyer who ran through my process with me so I knew someone impartial had my back, then there was my IVF lawyer and then, of course, I had to pay my egg donor’s IVF lawyer from a completely different outfit!  Ditto for the surrogate.  To complicate matters more, you pay the egg donor or surrogate their fee and you also pay the agency a finder’s fee of sorts.  Just remember my credo that everyone gets paid in surrogacy and you, my friend, are the bank!

Then don’t even get me started with what happened with the NICU expenses.  But once they are born, they are your babies, which makes you responsible.

So enough said, you need plenty of cash to create your family this way.  And then you need plenty more just to keep them occupied. One of my friends said it best once, she said, “Lisa it wouldn’t be enough if they brought truck loads of cash in daily!”  So just bare in mind that kids are expensive to raise no matter where you have them!

Lisa J Lafave, PhD, MBA, ACC
The Surrogacy Coach from Surrogacy Rocks
CEO & Founder of Coaching Rocks
A Single Mom By Choice Raising Surrogacy Twin Boys
Written in My Little Brick in University Heights, Ohio

Filed Under: Surrogacy Made Easy Tagged With: Coaching Rocks, Egg Donor, embryo, IVF lawyers, Lisa J Lafave, Lisa Lafave, NICU, Surrogacy, Surrogacy Rocks, Surrogate, The Surrogacy Coach, The Surrogacy Rocks Coach

Surrogacy Really Does Rock!

July 6, 2015 by Lisa Lafave

image
Jarvie and Giles having a good old belly laugh!

Every day I thank my lucky stars for medical advances and the power and beauty of surrogacy! The scientific process of surrogacy radically changed my life in a totally epic fashion. Surrogacy made my dreams come true!  I mean what the heck would I be doing without these two monkeys? I mean really what would I be doing of substance?  People need to find meaning and purpose in their lives.  I’ll tell you what, right there in that photo is my meaning and purpose.  People are what really matter and now I’ve got my people!  Thank goodness for surrogacy, because otherwise it would have been a pretty grim story.  I know I was meant to have children, and it’s wild that it didn’t happen sooner, but it’s great that it happened at all.  Thank you to each and every one of you who toiled countless hours working in your laboratories for me to have this incredible outcome.  I am forever in your debt!

Lisa J Lafave, PhD, MBA, ACC
The Surrogacy Coach from Surrogacy Rocks
CEO & Founder of Coaching Rocks, LLC
A Single Mom By Choice Raising Surrogacy Twin Boys
Written in My Little Brick in University Heights, Ohio

Filed Under: Surrogacy Made Easy Tagged With: A Single Mom By Choice, Coaching Rocks, Lisa J Lafave, Lisa Lafave, Surrogacy, Surrogacy Rocks, Surrogate, The Surrogacy Coach, The Surrogacy Rocks Coach

Donating Embryos

July 4, 2015 by Lisa Lafave

If you decide to embark on the surrogacy trail, you may well have some extra DNA that belongs to you, and you will have to decide what to do with it.  You may choose to store it for use at a later date, you may toss it, or you may choose to donate it to another individual or couple, who is also having trouble conceiving.  You may have donor sperm, embryos or even donor eggs.

image
My babies!

When my boys were about a year to a year and a half old, my Mom said to me, “Lisa, why don’t you try for a girl?”  The question knocked my socks off.  I was truly stunned.  The idea of a little girl was truly compelling, but I clearly had my hands full.  I simply let the time pass and just kept raising my boys, knowing in my heart of hearts that they were enough.  My heart was full with them and my resources were limited.  I decided this lady could lead a better life with just the two of them!  I mean heck I only have two hands!

Jarvie with that red hat
Jarvie with that red hat
Giles looking mischievous!
Giles looking mischievous!

When you look at them, so precious and vulnerable, how could I possibly divide my attention again and take on another child?

So in my case I have donor embryos that have been frozen since my boys were born.  It is one of my greatest wishes that my frozen embryos get a chance to live.  By donating them to another who desperately wants them, the donor, my embryos and I all have a chance to get what we want.

My boys today
My boys today

It’s rather interesting that my boys are now 5 1/2 and I am just getting involved in my first serious entre into donating the remaining two embryos that I have as a result of my surrogacy venture.  I am not donating anonymously, but more than likely to a woman, who we can call Marie, that I met about a year ago.

Marie has a 4 year old, who also has blonde hair and blue eyes, as does she.  Both my boys are blondies, with blue eyes.  When you see all three of the children playing together, they look like tripletts!  She is a Single Mom By Choice (Single Mom By Choice), as am I.  I think most of you already realize that about me and my family, but that may have failed to reach all of you, so it bore repeating!

Marie is trying her last round of IUI this Fourth of July weekend, after nothing short of sure tenacity regarding repeated attempts at trying to conceive, once again with her own DNA and donor sperm.  If that fails, and I am rooting for her, then she will take a serious look at trying to conceive with my embryos, which were created with youthful DNA and see if she can carry to term in this fashion.

If this process leads to a live birth, her new baby and my children will be diblings, in which the donor egg is the common link.  Children born from one common source of Donor DNA are called diblings.  Diblings are donor siblings. As things proceed, I will keep you up to date!

Filed Under: Surrogacy Made Easy Tagged With: A Single Mom By Choice, Coaching Rocks, Dibblings, embryo donation, IUI, Lisa J Lafave, Lisa Lafave, Single Mom By Choice, Surrogacy, Surrogacy Rocks, Surrogate, The Surrogacy Coach, The Surrogacy Rocks Coach

Bring Baby Home Through Surrogacy

June 29, 2015 by Lisa Lafave

image
Mama Lisa with Jarvie and Giles

Are you having trouble conceiving and have decided surrogacy is right for you? If your answer is Yes, then you have found the right group coaching group for you! This group is designed to support you through your Surrogacy Journey.

Topics to be covered:

• What Stops Members From Bringing Baby Home?
• What Information do You Need?
• Whose Permission do you need?
• Special Issues of Having Children Thru Surrogacy
• Locating Sperm Donors, Egg Donors, and Surrogates
• Locating IVF Doctors and Lawyers

WHEN: Group Coaching Group meets w/ Intended Parents through Surrogacy on Tuesdays at 12:00 PM

START DATE: Group will commence on July 14th, 2015 on a Bridgeline. Group meets for 6 consecutive weeks for one hour

FEE: $895 plus registration fee through Eventbrite

QUESTIONS: Please contact Lisa J Lafave, PhD, MBA, ACC at Lisa@LisaLafave.com

REGISTRATION: EventBrite.com/event/17534861242/

Filed Under: Surrogacy Made Easy Tagged With: A Single Mom By Choice, Coaching, Coaching Rocks, Egg Donor, Lisa J Lafave, Lisa Lafave, Single Mom By Choice, Sperm Donor, Surrogacy, Surrogacy Rocks, Surrogate, The Surrogacy Coach, The Surrogacy Rocks Coach

Primary Sidebar

Are you really ready to become a parent?

Lisa LafaveFind out when you answer the Ten Questions to Help You Decide If You Are Ready to Be a Parent.

You’ll get this resource for free when you subscribe to our newsletter. You’ll also get thoughtful articles to prepare you for your journey to get your dream baby. Sign up today!

Subscribe to our newsletter.

* indicates required




Categories

  • Composting & Gardening
  • Dream Baby aka Babies Rock
  • Half a Bubble Off Plum
  • Infertility Quotes
  • Infertility Treatments
  • Jarvie & Giles
  • Luca Doo & the Kitty Babies
  • One Woman's Experience Recovering From Medical Challenges
  • Raisin' Up Dem Babies
  • Single Mom By Choice
  • Surrogacy Made Easy
  • The Fertility Coach at Coaching Rocks
  • The Wellness Coach at Building Better Bodies Rocks

Copyright © 2021 · Infinity Pro on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in