Lisa J Lafave

The Fertility Coach

You are here: Home / Archives for quotes on infertility

quotes on infertility

Dream It! Be It!

by

 

 

 

 

 

Dream It! Be It!

Don’t you think the woman above looks happy, and proud of her protruding belly, filled with child?  Heck, I think so!  I think she is delighted with the miracle that is occurring inside her.   Have you, or your partner ever had a swollen tummy, with your dream baby inside?  For some, the answer will be decidedly so, but it may have been 20 years ago, perhaps even with a different partner.  For others, the answer is no, you are still waiting for an experience like this.  For others, you or your partner, may never have been pregnant, but you are both parents to a child, born through adoption, or surrogacy.  Babies come to us in many forms.  For most of us, the journey starts out with us wanting a child made from our own DNA.

How long have you dreamed about having a baby of your own?  Is it a new dream which sprang forth from your current relationship?   Are you waiting for him to pop the question, so you can settle down, and have a few children together?  Are you married, and you’ve already had two, or three quality years together, you already have a beautiful home, and the next thing on the agenda is a pair of kids?

Get Your Baby Now!
How long have you been wanting this dream baby?

Does your dream have its roots in childhood, when you already felt you knew how to rear little ones?  Have you been trying for some time, and just can’t seem to get all the pieces and parts together, in the right format?  Are you already getting pregnant, but those embryos just aren’t sticking, so it’s been one early miscarriage, after the next?  Have you seen your local fertility doctor?  Has this been your journey for several years, and you feel frustrated that you’ve been denied, so many times?  Have you been trying with your girlfriend, and it just doesn’t seem like it’s in the cards for her.  While you’re thrilled about having a child with her, you don’t want to carry?  Just what is your story?  There are all kinds of people out there and many different stories about people’s struggles to bring a baby home to be part of their family.

Where ever you are in your journey, know that you can live some variation of your dream, if you are flexible.  With a little flexibility, the dream of being a mommy or daddy can be yours!

Has anyone ever suggested to you before, that your attitude, and the story you tell yourself is everything, in the outcome, that will be yours.  It’s that old self fulfilling prophecy thing.  If you tell it to yourself enough, the same story over and over again, it will become your reality.  Did you realize, that if you tell yourself something negative, over and over again, you are actually engaging in self – sabotage?  You can buy your own self into losing just what is that you wanted all along, with a simple negative mindset.  You can also use the notion of self-fulfilling prophecy, to your own benefit as well.

So for example, if you have a job interview and you always get anxious before job interviews, you might tell yourself that although you are confident you can do the job, you just suck at interviews.  Here, you are psyching yourself out, and laying the groundwork for a failed interview.  What we think about ourselves has a real affect on, how people respond to us.  In true form, if we pound in our heads that we are  bad at interviews, the interview will likely go poorly, and we will miss out on another job opportunity.  Conversely, if we remind ourselves how competent we are on the job, and try to relax, and enjoy getting to know the interviewer, we stand a good chance of landing a new job.

The sound of a baby’s laugh is everything!

The same goes with baby making.  You need to find a way to feed yourself a constant diet of positive affirmations, so that becomes your reality.   So never say, “I’ll always be childless, I’ll never have a baby.” Instead say, “Somehow, someway, I’m not quite sure how, I will have the baby of my dreams.  I will be a mother, or a father.  Come hell or high water, parenthood will be mine!” You see how this changes things?  If you dream it, so you shall be it!

What are some more positive affirmations you might say to yourself to help you along in your fertile journey.  Go ahead and get your paper and pencil out and not down 5 or 10 of them.  Go ahead and do it.  It will be good for you.

Below are a number of possible affirmations that you may say to yourself when times are tough.

1) I will be a Mom (or a Dad).  It is my destiny.

2) I’ve been successful at most everything I’ve ever worked at before, and I will be successful at this too.

3) If I try hard enough, I will succeed.

4) I know there is a way I can re – double my efforts. If I work harder, I will have a baby. It’s time to figure out the next step.

5) I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.  I thought I could, I thought Icould, I thought I could. ~ The Little Engine that Could

6) If I think outside the box, I know I can solve this problem.

7) If I do some research, maybe I can learn something new, that will make all the difference, and I too can be a Mom (or a Dad.)

8) If I am less rigid, and more flexible, perhaps I can live the dream, I always dreamed.  Perhaps I can live, just a slightly different version, from how I originally conceived, my dream.

9) If I discuss this issue with more people, perhaps someone will have a new idea for me, that I can pursue, to live my dream, and bring my child home.

10) With the right effort, I can achieve this dream too.

For those who are constantly between a rock and a hard place, with this baby making thing, it might be time to consider getting some professional help.  It could be that seeking out a fertility doctor is enough.  For others, not so much.  You see, fertility doctors only have so much time to discuss with your feelings about what you are going through.  We all know being infertile can feel lonely, even though 10% of women go through it according to the CDC (2018).  That means 1 in 10 women have a challenge with it.  It’s not exactly an uncommon problem, yet somehow women are not banding together enough to provide each other with support during these challenges.

My recommendation to you is consider hiring a fertility to coach to be at your side. You don’t have to go this alone.  You can share this process, with someone, who is

Just before bed is the epitome of family time!

happy to hear every twist, and turn in the journey.  Sometimes, amazingly so, your partner doesn’t want to hear it all or carry it all.  They can hear some of your angst, but not every piece in it’s minutiae.  It can wear on the nerves.  Who wants this angst, in the midst of their intimate moments with their partner?  It’s supposed to be fun and exciting.  It’s supposed to create a connection, and a release.  It isn’t supposed to be about timelines, and deadlines, no matter how loudly your biological clock is ticking.  It’s suppose to be about romance, and tenderness, and love.

So think again of the favor you would do yourself, and your partner, by hiring a fertility coach to help you process, your process, and help you to figure out your next step in your journey.

In fact, why don’t you contact us at Coaching Rocks and experience the benefits we can provide to you in your fertile journey.  You can do this at the home page, where you’ll find our scheduler.  Likewise, you could just ask a question at, contact us or simply ask Lisa.  We would love to talk to you!

 

Whatever You Do Next, Never Forget the Dream!

 

Lisa

 

Lisa J Lafave, PhD, eMBA, ACC, BCC

CEO & Founder of Coaching Rocks

The Fertility Coach at Coaching Rocks

A Single Mom By Choice Raising Surrogacy Boys

Written in My Little Brick in University Heights, Ohio

Your destiny – Your purpose – Your dream baby

by

your destiny your purpose your dream baby 2

Your destiny, your purpose, your dream baby!

 

So you are trying to fulfill your destiny, but you are having challenges.  I’ll tell you what, you are not the first woman, or first man, who has had trouble creating a baby!  Your baby is on its way.  It’s just taking a bit longer than you expected.  Hang in there.  Keep trying and keep your chin up.  You know what they say.  Everything in its own time.  Your baby too will come when the time is right, or when the stars they are aligned.

Never Forget The DreamThe more you can hold onto the idea that a baby will be yours in the future, the more likely you are to ride that emotional roller coaster well.  Remember in this day and age, you can bring a baby home, a number of ways.

If you keep yourself open to having  a baby via alternate means, you are more than likely to raise a child, in your future.  It’s really true.  Science has really progressed.  No one really needs to be childless these days.

You can do many things to try to enhance that fertile journey.  You can eat better.  You can exercise more.  You can reduce toxins in your home environment.  You can also work on reducing anxiety, and stress.  You can strive for balance.  There are multiple apps out there, that you can use to help you with each one of these endeavors.

In an attempt to cool out, you could take a yoga class, or learn how to meditate, or maybe just take your honey and go on awesome well deserved vacation.   If a big vacation is out of the question, how about a mini one, for a long weekend.  If flying to some amazing destination is not in the cards, how about a trip, just a hour or so, away from home.  Just getting into new surroundings can do you a world of good.  It can take the edge off, and allow you to proceed toward the next logical step, that just might bring a darling little baby into your world.

One thing you want to try to avoid is being in so much angst, because you don’t have your baby, that you can’t enjoy the things you do have.  When you are childless, you are footloose and fancy free!  Once you have that baby, you will never again be unencumbered.  You will always have responsibility, and you will always be looking out for the well-being of your child.  Their needs always come first and foremost.

May the Joy of a Dream Baby Be YoursIf this is your first baby, then you have never been through a sleepless night, nursing your feverish baby.  You’ve never had to drop everything at work, and run to the school, because your child is vomiting.  You’ve never had to cancel plans, because the babysitter isn’t going to know how to deal with the awful stomach pains and diarrhea your child has.  You just go out on the town, unless you or your date is feeling under the weather.  It’s just so simple.  Again, footloose and fancy free.  Enjoy it while it lasts!

If it’s time to enlarge your family, you have a good idea of what you are getting yourself into.  Remember, you will never again have the same amount of time for the children you already have.  Enjoy these precious moments.  You will never pass this way again.  It just might be that it’s your destiny to have a larger family.  You may not feel fulfilled, until your family grows to a certain size.  Some parents just love having little ones around, and will take as many as they can get their arms around.

DREAM UNTIL YOUR DREAM BECOMES YOUR LIFEI know of one woman, who was trying to conceive her ninth child in her mid- forties.  She just wasn’t done, and she was sure of it.  She had a mad hankering for another baby, and her spouse felt the same way.  So the two of them were at it, until one came along.  And you know what?  By George, they had a healthy little boy.  So I say, “God Bless them!” It’s none of my business how many children they have.  Yet some people were giving them a really hard time about stretching their budget, and their other resources once again.  These people felt like it was their mission to keep this couple from procreating again.  Some people.  Anyway, with the ninth baby, this couple finally felt complete.

Your Destiny is your Dream BabyHow large anybody’s family is is a very personal matter.  Others would say it’s up to God, and leave it at that.  When you think about it, what is the right size family for you?  Do you want the same size, as the family you grew up in?  Or do you have some different plans?  How will family size affect your life, as the head of the family?  Do you, and your spouse have similar plans?  Heck, I hope so.  If you want 10, and he wants 2, it just might create some marital conflict.  Hopefully, you came to some mutual agreement, on this matter, before the nuptials.

Do you have any sense about what the spread of ages from top to bottom should be, between your eldest and youngest, and how quickly the children should come along in between?  Some have children like stair steps, one after the next.  Others like to have a child every three years, to give the youngest a bit of time, before a sibling comes along, and literally takes their spot in Mama’s lap.

give it everything you've gotI knew one woman who had 8 children in 9 years.  Sounds wild.  However, she had two sets of twins which meant 6 pregnancies in 9 years, not 8.  Still it would entirely rock my world to have no children and then 8, 9 years later.

I know it seems a little funny TT is think about having so many children, when you are having difficulty creating just one.  But once you crack the code, the sky may be the limit.  You just have to figure out how to have that first one, and then just rinse and repeat!

So even if you are having challenges, know that a baby can be yours, in this lifetime.  We just have to figure out how to get you one!  Your are not living in dark ages. There are plenty of methods to help you create your own baby, and there are ways of using others’ DNA, if you can’t use yours or your partner’s.  There is also adoption, international adoption and foster to adopt. So cheer up, a baby is surely on the way for you, if you want one badly enough.

Once you have one baby, you can consider whether or not you want to grow your family.  It’s awfully nice for your precious little one to have a sibling.  Children learn so much from their brothers and sisters.  Why don’t you make sure to get one for your little baby?

If you stick with it, I’m sure your destiny will be fulfilled.  In fulfilling your destiny, you will create a more purposeful life.  Research suggests that purpose creates happiness.  Show me a man or a woman with purpose, and I will show you a happy person.  First, let’s get that baby in your arms, so you can go home!

 

Never Give Up the Dream,

 

Lisa

 

Lisa J Lafave, PhD, eMBA, ACC, BCC

CEO & Founder of Coaching Rocks

The Fertility Coach at Coaching Rocks

Single Mom By Choice Raising Surrogacy Twin Boys

Written in My Little Brick in University Heights, Ohio

Your Reward Is Your Baby

by

Your Reward Is Your Baby

Your Reward Is Your Baby

I know you feel like you are doing a lot of hard work, to get your baby.  And I know that it so very disappointing every month, that the pregnancy test shows you did not conceive, and did not achieve your objective.  I know it is even worse, when you did conceive, and the baby didn’t stick.  And worse yet, when you get further along your journey and miscarry.  These loses are all traumatic.  But you must get through these loses to get to the actual baby, that is meant to be your forever baby.

I know for some the natural conception thing is not meant to be.  You may wrestle with that idea quite a bit.  We all quite naturally want our own child, coming from our own DNA.  But sometimes it just can’t happen, and if you are in this boat you will have to decide what is best for you, 1) no baby at all, or  2) if you have the financial wherewithall, you might pick IVF, with someone else’s DNA, or 3) you might even choose to farm the whole process out, and have a baby through surrogacy, or 4) you might prefer to go the adoption route, and help out a child, who has no parent at the ready.  If you choose adoption, you will have to decide what to focus on, domestic adoption, international adoption or foster to adopt. Once you decide where you belong, you can move through your next paces.  They may not be easy, but you can work on what is before you, in order to bring your dream baby home.

No matter what option you pick, Coaching Rocks can be at your side, to urge you on, and help you through your process.  You could work with someone one on one, or in a group.  You can contact us and arrange a complimentary Discovery Call to see if you feel like Coaching Rocks is the right coaching resource for you.

Never forget your dream baby is at the end of the road!  When you do conceive, and it sticks, and the pregnancy goes well, your reward is a darling little baby boy, or baby girl, or maybe even both!  You will be on the top of the world.  You’ll want to sing it out to the moon and the stars!  Your dream baby has arrived.

Who wouldn’t be delighted with a baby, with a darling little nose, a smile like your partner’s, and eyebrows like your father’s?  This baby is indeed your reward for all the extra effort and all the labor you went through to bring this baby home, not matter what the method.  It’s truly amazing how often adopted children, or surrogacy babies, with no DNA in common with their parents, can grow to look like their family members.

Once you have your baby, and care for your baby, it truly does not matter to you how you came by your child.  You take the child as your own.  People often place far to much emphasis on DNA.

How many of you are animal lovers? How many actually have animals?  You don’t have any DNA in common with your pet, be it a dog, a cat, a snake, a goat, or a bunny rabbit.  But you still may have a deep love for your animal.  You may have a trusting, and fun loving relationship with that animal, that does not depend on a DNA connection.

I use beloved pets, as an example, because they are family.  They are a close second to children.  We care about how they feel.  We care about the quality of their day.  We want them to have a satisfied tummy and a good night’s sleep.   We take them on outtings with us.  They are there for us, when we low.  We spend our good times, and our bad times with them.  They know us best.  We intervene, as best we can, when our animals are sick, and we grieve, when they die.  Oh how we grieve!  There is really nothing like losing a trusted pet.

Rightly or wrongly, many of us treat our animals like family, or like children.  Many of us even refer to our beloved pets, as our babies, or our fur babies.  In fact, it makes no difference to us that they are a different species.  We actually relish in the differences.  We don’t need them to be from the same tribe as ours to love them with the intensity that we do.  I believe the love comes from the relationship.  I believe you love what, and who you care for, DNA aside.

Interestingly, many of you probably coupled up, moved in together, and then got a dog, or a cat. Your fur baby was your first baby, your first commitment.  Your first attempt at keeping a beloved other alive, through thick and thin, right in the the midst of all of your other obligations.  It was kind of like your “starter baby.”  If that went well, and you could negotiate with one another, about how to take care of that family member, maybe you felt like you just might be ready for a real live bouncing baby boy or girl.  That dog or cat may have been the guinea pig, to see if the two of you could work together well enough to take care of that pet.  That pet may have been a harbinger of things to come, more specifically, babies to come.

Have you ever noticed how some people get married, and divorce just before you thought they might have that first baby? Well, fortunately, they figured out they weren’t matched well, and were not up to the task of parenting a child together, so they split up, before they had one.  In my estimation, they weren’t up for the big commitment of having a child together.  Marriage, and having a house, and a pet together were one thing, but having a child together is the real commitment.

Most of you reading this are ready for that child, singly, or coupled up, you want that baby now.  My point in bringing up the animals is just to remind you that, if you can’t use your own DNA, you will still be able to fall in love deeply, with your child.  It really can be okay.  It really can be no big deal.  It all depends on how you decide to view it.

Once you have that baby that you’ve dreamed about for so long, you are off to the races!  It’s one bottle or one breastfeeding moment after the next, and one burping session after the next, and then one diaper after the next.   You’ll be doing one bath after the next, one clothing change after the next, and so on, and so forth.  You and your baby will be giggling and smiling at one another in no time. You will be continually showing off your baby to family and friends, and even to strangers, or passerbys.  Your baby will become your pride and joy.  As the days pass by, you will fall deeply in love, with your little treasure.  He or she will be the apple of your eye, and the fruit of your labor.  I think you will agree that this little angel was worth all the bother after all.  All those trials and tribulations will seem quite trivial, when you have that little one sitting in your lap, or snuggling in your arms, about to slip off to sleep.

Next thing you know, you will be going to outings at the local playground, Mommy and Me Meetups, swimming lessons, gymnastics, and music classes.  You will be so fully immersed in your new life with your baby, you will hardly even remember what life was like, without your little one.

So remember, your dream baby is your reward, for all the hard work that you must do to get that baby, and bring him, or her home, to the little nest you have so carefully prepared.

 

Never Forget the Dream and Leap Into Action!

 

Lisa

 

Lisa J Lafave, PhD, eMBA, ACC, BCC

CEO & Founder of Coaching Rocks

The Fertility Coach At Coaching Rocks

Single Mother by Choice of Surrogacy Twin Boys

Written In My Little Brick in University Hts, Ohio