Lisa Lafave

Lisa’s Story

July 26, 2018 by Lisa Lafave Leave a Comment

Hello, I am Lisa Lafave, the Fertility Coach from Coaching Rocks, LLC. I am certified with the International Coaching Federation, and the Institute of Integrative Nutrition. I was originally trained as a Clinical Psychologist and have expertise in working with children and families. Likewise, I hold an Executive MBA.

I am a single mom by choice and got my dream children after 15 years of trying multiple methods. I started my journey with surrogacy, but quickly shied away from it. Then I began artificial insemination, with the benefit of Clomid to encourage multiple eggs to release. I didn’t stick with this method very long, as I had some fundamental concerns. I had a number of illnesses, and was prescribed multiple medications. I worried about how I would exist, without the support of these medicines, if I were to stop them, while trying to conceive. Moreover, I worried about what impact these medicines would have on a developing fetus in my womb.

Next, I tried domestic adoption. I quickly learned that as a single, older mom, very few pregnant young women would want me to raise their child. These ladies were primarily looking for young couples to raise the babies they were adopting out.

I figured perhaps governments from other countries would be more forgiving. So next, I turned to international adoption, in which I attempted to adopt from Brazil. I had always wanted to travel to Rio andI was told they had babies there that looked like me! So I started my journey. I learned all the ins and outs of International Adoption. I completed all of my paperwork and received permission from both governments to get my children. I was seeking a sibling pair of two under 5 years old. I was simply waiting for the “cejas,” their equivalent of a social worker to pair me with my children. I waited, and I waited. After several years, 4 to 5 years to be exact, my adoption was halted by an argument, about the Haugue Convention, between Brazil and the United States. The governments simply could come to a resolution. Brazil ultimately told the United States that they had successfully adopted children out to other countries and didn’t the USA at all. That left me in the lurch! I felt like I’d been hit in the stomach. I needed to quickly readjust and change my game. To start with a new country, I would have to go back to the beginning and re-do my home study. I wasn’t willing to retrace my steps, with a new country in mind.

In the end, I jumped whole heartedly back into the surrogacy boat. During this phase of my process, I hired a contract lawyer, Jon Pinney, and was being coached through the surrogacy, by Ann Durand. This was crucial. This gave me two people to bounce ideas off of. This definitely helped me to speed through the surrogacy process and get my dream children at lightning speed.

I used Surrogacy Alternatives Inc (SAI) to obtain my surrogate. SAI has been around since about 1998. I worked with both Diana Olmeda, the President and Ann Marie Aversano-Miranda, the VP. I would highly recommend them. They were very professional and extremely involved in every aspect of my process. I was guided by Ann Miranda to choose an excellent surrogate. My surrogate made a great difference in my overall experience. She was informative and kept me involved every few weeks with updates and what not.

My fertility lawyer was Rich Vaugn, of International Fertility Law Group, formally National Fertility Law Center (NFLC). In my case, my babies were mine, five months before their due date, in my surrogates body, signed off by a judge, in a court of law. This put me in a very comfortable position. I really didn’t need to worry about my surrogate was going to run off with my babies. I had the law on my side. Really and truly I never carried any of those fears in my heart. My surrogate was steady and knew she was doing this to help me create my family.

Concerning the medical aspects of the surrogacy arrangement, I chose to work with Dr. David Smottrich from La Jolla IVF. Dr Smotrich was amazing to work with. He was straight forward and informative. His location is key. Not only is San Diego, California a hot bed of surrogacy, but Calfornia is ahead of most of the rest of the country, as regards fertility law. Fortunately for me, SAI, La Jolla , and NFLC were very comfortable working with one another.

I used an anonymous sperm donor (obtained from Xytec) who was 21 and an egg donor who was 19 to create my embryos. In my estimation, I was too old to use my own eggs. The two embryos were transferred to my surrogate, who was 26, at the time of the transfer. I was present during the transfer, and it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life, because I was actually able to see my babies on the screen. They simply looked like two bright pinholes of light on a gray background. I was so taken aback, that I could actually see my babies, at this very early stage in their development. What a moment! I surprised myself, by completely bursting into tears. Truly amazing! Never miss this moment, if you can help it!

My twin boys were born, at Kaiser Permanente of San Diego, when I was 49 1/2 years old, 13 months after consolidating all my efforts into surrogacy. I was present for the birth as well, which was another peak experience in my life. I cut the cord and damn near felt like I should be smoking a cigar!

When the boys were 5 years old, I donated out the remaining two embryos to a known donor. In the end, unfortunately, no baby resulted from this thaw and transfer process. What I can tell you, is that embryo donation is a completely emotionally distressing process. And such a surprise. The emotions I endured seemed to come out of nowhere! Yet everyone seems to go through this same agonizing process. I only know because I am a member of closed Facebook group for embryo donors.

The CDC explains that in 2006 – 2010, 11.9% of women struggled with infertility. Of this group of 7.4 million women, 29% sought medical intervention to help them pursue their dream of having a baby.

This is merely to show that you are not alone. You may feel alone, but in reality many of the women around you are struggling with the same issues. Roughly 1 in 8 couples have to deal with issues of infertility. Infertility is a roller coaster ride of emotions. Anxiety, depression and irritability can make getting pregnant even more difficult. High levels of cortisol negatively impact fertility. Reducing negative emotions during the time you are trying to conceive is key.

I would like to help you handle any of the obstacles you may have encountered in growing your family. I would like you to have your transformation from single person or couple, to family, faster than mine took. I would like to coach you to see your options and seek out the one most suited to you. Most importantly, I would like to see you can get that dream baby in your arms and be called Mom or Dad sooner, instead of later. I will be there for you every step of the way, in your journey to bring your dream baby home, no matter what method you choose. At Coaching Rocks we don’t merely drop you simply because you decide to go down a new avenue to bring your baby home.

Never Forget the Dream and Leap Into Action!

Lisa,

Lisa J Lafave, PhD, MBA, ACC, BCC

CEO & Founder of Coaching Rocks

The Fertility Coach at Coaching Rocks

A Single Mom By Choice Raising Surrogacy Twin Boys

Written in My Little Brick in University Heights, Ohio

Dream It! Be It!

July 21, 2018 by Acumen8

Dream It! Be It!

Don’t you think the woman above looks happy, and proud of her protruding belly, filled with child? Heck, I think so! I think she is delighted with the miracle that is occurring inside her. Have you, or your partner ever had a swollen tummy, with your dream baby inside? For some, the answer will be decidedly so, but it may have been 20 years ago, perhaps even with a different partner. For others, the answer is no, you are still waiting for an experience like this. For others, you or your partner, may never have been pregnant, but you are both parents to a child, born through adoption, or surrogacy. Babies come to us in many forms. For most of us, the journey starts out with us wanting a child made from our own DNA.

How long have you dreamed about having a baby of your own? Is it a new dream which sprang forth from your current relationship? Are you waiting for him to pop the question, so you can settle down, and have a few children together? Are you married, and you’ve already had two, or three quality years together, you already have a beautiful home, and the next thing on the agenda is a pair of kids?

Get Your Baby Now! — How long have you been wanting this dream baby?

Does your dream have its roots in childhood, when you already felt you knew how to rear little ones? Have you been trying for some time, and just can’t seem to get all the pieces and parts together, in the right format? Are you already getting pregnant, but those embryos just aren’t sticking, so it’s been one early miscarriage, after the next? Have you seen your local fertility doctor? Has this been your journey for several years, and you feel frustrated that you’ve been denied, so many times? Have you been trying with your girlfriend, and it just doesn’t seem like it’s in the cards for her. While you’re thrilled about having a child with her, you don’t want to carry? Just what is your story? There are all kinds of people out there and many different stories about people’s struggles to bring a baby home to be part of their family.

Where ever you are in your journey, know that you can live some variation of your dream, if you are flexible. With a little flexibility, the dream of being a mommy or daddy can be yours!

Has anyone ever suggested to you before, that your attitude, and the story you tell yourself is everything, in the outcome, that will be yours. It’s that old self fulfilling prophecy thing. If you tell it to yourself enough, the same story over and over again, it will become your reality. Did you realize, that if you tell yourself something negative, over and over again, you are actually engaging in self – sabotage? You can buy your own self into losing just what is that you wanted all along, with a simple negative mindset. You can also use the notion of self-fulfilling prophecy, to your own benefit as well.

So for example, if you have a job interview and you always get anxious before job interviews, you might tell yourself that although you are confident you can do the job, you just suck at interviews. Here, you are psyching yourself out, and laying the groundwork for a failed interview. What we think about ourselves has a real affect on, how people respond to us. In true form, if we pound in our heads that we are bad at interviews, the interview will likely go poorly, and we will miss out on another job opportunity. Conversely, if we remind ourselves how competent we are on the job, and try to relax, and enjoy getting to know the interviewer, we stand a good chance of landing a new job.

The sound of a baby’s laugh is everything!

The same goes with baby making. You need to find a way to feed yourself a constant diet of positive affirmations, so that becomes your reality. So never say, “I’ll always be childless, I’ll never have a baby.” Instead say, “Somehow, someway, I’m not quite sure how, I will have the baby of my dreams. I will be a mother, or a father. Come hell or high water, parenthood will be mine!” You see how this changes things? If you dream it, so you shall be it!

What are some more positive affirmations you might say to yourself to help you along in your fertile journey. Go ahead and get your paper and pencil out and not down 5 or 10 of them. Go ahead and do it. It will be good for you.

Below are a number of possible affirmations that you may say to yourself when times are tough.

1) I will be a Mom (or a Dad). It is my destiny.

2) I’ve been successful at most everything I’ve ever worked at before, and I will be successful at this too.

3) If I try hard enough, I will succeed.

4) I know there is a way I can re – double my efforts. If I work harder, I will have a baby. It’s time to figure out the next step.

5) I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. I thought I could, I thought Icould, I thought I could. ~ The Little Engine that Could

6) If I think outside the box, I know I can solve this problem.

7) If I do some research, maybe I can learn something new, that will make all the difference, and I too can be a Mom (or a Dad.)

8) If I am less rigid, and more flexible, perhaps I can live the dream, I always dreamed. Perhaps I can live, just a slightly different version, from how I originally conceived, my dream.

9) If I discuss this issue with more people, perhaps someone will have a new idea for me, that I can pursue, to live my dream, and bring my child home.

10) With the right effort, I can achieve this dream too.

For those who are constantly between a rock and a hard place, with this baby making thing, it might be time to consider getting some professional help. It could be that seeking out a fertility doctor is enough. For others, not so much. You see, fertility doctors only have so much time to discuss with your feelings about what you are going through. We all know being infertile can feel lonely, even though 10% of women go through it according to the CDC (2018). That means 1 in 10 women have a challenge with it. It’s not exactly an uncommon problem, yet somehow women are not banding together enough to provide each other with support during these challenges.

My recommendation to you is consider hiring a fertility to coach to be at your side. You don’t have to go this alone. You can share this process, with someone, who is

Just before bed is the epitome of family time!

happy to hear every twist, and turn in the journey. Sometimes, amazingly so, your partner doesn’t want to hear it all or carry it all. They can hear some of your angst, but not every piece in it’s minutiae. It can wear on the nerves. Who wants this angst, in the midst of their intimate moments with their partner? It’s supposed to be fun and exciting. It’s supposed to create a connection, and a release. It isn’t supposed to be about timelines, and deadlines, no matter how loudly your biological clock is ticking. It’s suppose to be about romance, and tenderness, and love.

So think again of the favor you would do yourself, and your partner, by hiring a fertility coach to help you process, your process, and help you to figure out your next step in your journey.

In fact, why don’t you contact us at Coaching Rocks and experience the benefits we can provide to you in your fertile journey. You can do this at the home page, where you’ll find our scheduler. Likewise, you could just ask a question at, contact us or simply ask Lisa. We would love to talk to you!

Whatever You Do Next, Never Forget the Dream!

Lisa

Lisa J Lafave, PhD, eMBA, ACC, BCC

CEO & Founder of Coaching Rocks

The Fertility Coach at Coaching Rocks

A Single Mom By Choice Raising Surrogacy Boys

Written in My Little Brick in University Heights, Ohio

Finding Your Fertile Phase

July 13, 2018 by Lisa Lafave

In order to become pregnant, you will want to know, when you ovulate, and when the fertile phase of your cycle begins. Fortunately, much research has already been conducted to ferret this out for you. With some know how, and a bit of effort on your part, you can really zero in on, when to have sex, in order to create your dream baby. You may already know that women often take their temperature, before they get up in the morning, to help them get pregnant. But what is this all about, and what are those women looking for anyway? What other signs might help you know when you ovulate?

Rotzer, from Austria was the innovator of the Symptothermal Method (STM). He engaged in extensive research of thousands women’s cycles, with the help of his first his wife and latter his daughter, beginning as early as 1951. He referred to his method as natural conception regulation (NCR), which was permitted by the church. He noted that a woman’s waking basal body temperature (BBT) rises slightly during her fertile days. As a result, women can differentiate between their fertile, and infertile days of the month by tracking BBT daily. Rotzer further noted that vaginal secretions change, during the fertile phase. Finally, Rotzer’s wife related she experienced a slight pain in her lower abdomen, when her temperature rose. This pain was noted as a sign of ovulation.

More recently Hermann Frank in 2007, found that 0.6 % of women became pregnant, using the Symptothermal Based Method (STM) or the Fertility Awareness Method (FAM). Thus SMT was 99.4% effective as a form of contraception.

The Fertility Authority at www.fertilityauthority.com suggests that when you ovulate, you will see a slight rise (approximately 0.4 degrees Fahrenhite) in body temperature, upon waking, before getting up, or using the bathroom. They suggest using a basal body thermometer, which is more precise, and measures to the tenth of a degree. These can easily be purchased online.

The Red Tent Sisters, Amy and Kim Sedgewick, from Canada, explain that you can gain powerful information about your fertile, and infertile days, from tracking three pieces of information daily, namely, 1) basal body temperature (BBT), 2) position of the cervix, essentially, high or low, and 3) quality, and quantity of cervical mucus.

Spinbarkite mucus, or cervical mucus hangs down from the cervix, and acts as a wick for the sperm to crawl along, to get into the uterus. It’s sole job is to help a woman get pregnant. It is present, during a woman’s fertile phase. Spinbarkite mucus is clear, stretchy and plentiful. It is the consistency of raw egg white.

What follows are few more comments, from www.FertilityAuthority.com, about aspects of the cervix, or neck of the uterus, during various phases of your cycle. When the cervix is said to be “high,” it is up toward the top of the vagina, and may be hard to reach with your fingertips. When the cervix is said to be “low,” in the vagina, it is hanging down like a nose, and it’s bulbar shape can be felt by your fingertips. During the fertile phase, the cervix is open, high up in your vagina, if not seeming to have disappeared, and soft, like your lips. The acronym to remember the aspects of the cervix, during the fertile phase, is SHOW, or soft, high, open, and wet. During the non-fertile phase, the cervix is low, closed, and hard, like your nose. Essentially, during ovulation the “os” or the door, if you will, of the cervix opens to allow sperm in to fertilize the egg, that has been released into the fallopian tubes. The os is closed, at other times in the cycle. Your body is designed to always try to get you pregnant. Once you are pregnant, the os will close firmly, for many months, during your baby’s gestation.

The Red tent sisters explain that you ovulate one day a month, but your fertile phase lasts 5 days. How can this be? Sperm can live inside the female body for 5 days. So if sperm arrives before ovulation, and then hangs around, until ovulation, the combined effect yields a 5 day window of fertility. The sperm either fertilizes an egg, or dies waiting for ovulation to occur. In guestimating the fertile phase, the Red Tent sisters claim that is highly important to consider together what both the male, and female bring to the party regarding fertility. What really counts is the combined effect!

By tracking basal body temperature (BBT), cervical position and texture, and cervical mucus, the Sedgewicks contend women can know when to avoid sex, to avoid an unwanted pregnancy, or have sex, in order to achieve conception, and pregnancy. The Red Tent Sisters explain that this is the Justisse System, and note the Justisse app is on its way. The Sedgewick sisters suggest that this method can be used in combination with other methods of contraception, such as condoms to avoid pregnancy, and sexually transmitted diseases. To learn more from the Sedgewicks, go to their website www.RedTentSisters.com.

In summary, you can track daily, various bodily signs of your cycle, to figure out when the fertile part of your cycle occurs. To gain powerful information, about when to have sex, in order to get pregnant, record your basal body temperature (BBT), and cervical discharge daily, as well as the aspects of your cervix. If you get used to doing this to avoid pregnancy, you will be ahead of the game, when you actually want to get pregnant. You will already have discovered, the signs of your fertile phase, and will know when to have sex, to create a baby.

You will know that during your fertile phase, 1) your basal body temperature (BBT) rises slightly, 2) your cervix is soft, high, open, and wet, and 3) there is a lot of stretchy and clear Spinbarkite mucus present. These are all healthy signs that your body working, just as it is designed, and is trying to get you pregnant!

I hope this next attempt, leads to the result you are looking for,

Lisa

Lisa J Lafave, PhD, MBA, ACC, BCC

CEO & Founder of Coaching Rocks

The Fertility Coach at Coaching Rocks

A Single Mom By Choice Raising Surrogacy Twin Boys

Written in My Little Brick in University Heights, Ohio

Your Reward Is Your Baby

July 7, 2018 by Lisa Lafave

Your Reward Is Your Baby

I know you feel like you are doing a lot of hard work, to get your baby. And I know that it so very disappointing every month, that the pregnancy test shows you did not conceive, and did not achieve your objective. I know it is even worse, when you did conceive, and the baby didn’t stick. And worse yet, when you get further along your journey and miscarry. These loses are all traumatic. But you must get through these loses to get to the actual baby, that is meant to be your forever baby.

I know for some the natural conception thing is not meant to be. You may wrestle with that idea quite a bit. We all quite naturally want our own child, coming from our own DNA. But sometimes it just can’t happen, and if you are in this boat you will have to decide what is best for you, 1) no baby at all, or 2) if you have the financial wherewithall, you might pick IVF, with someone else’s DNA, or 3) you might even choose to farm the whole process out, and have a baby through surrogacy, or 4) you might prefer to go the adoption route, and help out a child, who has no parent at the ready. If you choose adoption, you will have to decide what to focus on, domestic adoption, international adoption or foster to adopt. Once you decide where you belong, you can move through your next paces. They may not be easy, but you can work on what is before you, in order to bring your dream baby home.

No matter what option you pick, Coaching Rocks can be at your side, to urge you on, and help you through your process. You could work with someone one on one, or in a group. You can contact us and arrange a complimentary Discovery Call to see if you feel like Coaching Rocks is the right coaching resource for you.

Never forget your dream baby is at the end of the road! When you do conceive, and it sticks, and the pregnancy goes well, your reward is a darling little baby boy, or baby girl, or maybe even both! You will be on the top of the world. You’ll want to sing it out to the moon and the stars! Your dream baby has arrived.

Who wouldn’t be delighted with a baby, with a darling little nose, a smile like your partner’s, and eyebrows like your father’s? This baby is indeed your reward for all the extra effort and all the labor you went through to bring this baby home, not matter what the method. It’s truly amazing how often adopted children, or surrogacy babies, with no DNA in common with their parents, can grow to look like their family members.

Once you have your baby, and care for your baby, it truly does not matter to you how you came by your child. You take the child as your own. People often place far to much emphasis on DNA.

How many of you are animal lovers? How many actually have animals? You don’t have any DNA in common with your pet, be it a dog, a cat, a snake, a goat, or a bunny rabbit. But you still may have a deep love for your animal. You may have a trusting, and fun loving relationship with that animal, that does not depend on a DNA connection.

I use beloved pets, as an example, because they are family. They are a close second to children. We care about how they feel. We care about the quality of their day. We want them to have a satisfied tummy and a good night’s sleep. We take them on outtings with us. They are there for us, when we low. We spend our good times, and our bad times with them. They know us best. We intervene, as best we can, when our animals are sick, and we grieve, when they die. Oh how we grieve! There is really nothing like losing a trusted pet.

Rightly or wrongly, many of us treat our animals like family, or like children. Many of us even refer to our beloved pets, as our babies, or our fur babies. In fact, it makes no difference to us that they are a different species. We actually relish in the differences. We don’t need them to be from the same tribe as ours to love them with the intensity that we do. I believe the love comes from the relationship. I believe you love what, and who you care for, DNA aside.

Interestingly, many of you probably coupled up, moved in together, and then got a dog, or a cat. Your fur baby was your first baby, your first commitment. Your first attempt at keeping a beloved other alive, through thick and thin, right in the the midst of all of your other obligations. It was kind of like your “starter baby.” If that went well, and you could negotiate with one another, about how to take care of that family member, maybe you felt like you just might be ready for a real live bouncing baby boy or girl. That dog or cat may have been the guinea pig, to see if the two of you could work together well enough to take care of that pet. That pet may have been a harbinger of things to come, more specifically, babies to come.

Have you ever noticed how some people get married, and divorce just before you thought they might have that first baby? Well, fortunately, they figured out they weren’t matched well, and were not up to the task of parenting a child together, so they split up, before they had one. In my estimation, they weren’t up for the big commitment of having a child together. Marriage, and having a house, and a pet together were one thing, but having a child together is the real commitment.

Most of you reading this are ready for that child, singly, or coupled up, you want that baby now. My point in bringing up the animals is just to remind you that, if you can’t use your own DNA, you will still be able to fall in love deeply, with your child. It really can be okay. It really can be no big deal. It all depends on how you decide to view it.

Once you have that baby that you’ve dreamed about for so long, you are off to the races! It’s one bottle or one breastfeeding moment after the next, and one burping session after the next, and then one diaper after the next. You’ll be doing one bath after the next, one clothing change after the next, and so on, and so forth. You and your baby will be giggling and smiling at one another in no time. You will be continually showing off your baby to family and friends, and even to strangers, or passerbys. Your baby will become your pride and joy. As the days pass by, you will fall deeply in love, with your little treasure. He or she will be the apple of your eye, and the fruit of your labor. I think you will agree that this little angel was worth all the bother after all. All those trials and tribulations will seem quite trivial, when you have that little one sitting in your lap, or snuggling in your arms, about to slip off to sleep.

Next thing you know, you will be going to outings at the local playground, Mommy and Me Meetups, swimming lessons, gymnastics, and music classes. You will be so fully immersed in your new life with your baby, you will hardly even remember what life was like, without your little one.

So remember, your dream baby is your reward, for all the hard work that you must do to get that baby, and bring him, or her home, to the little nest you have so carefully prepared.

Never Forget the Dream and Leap Into Action!

Lisa

Lisa J Lafave, PhD, eMBA, ACC, BCC

CEO & Founder of Coaching Rocks

The Fertility Coach At Coaching Rocks

Single Mother by Choice of Surrogacy Twin Boys

Written In My Little Brick in University Hts, Ohio

May the Joy of a Dream Baby Be Yours

June 29, 2018 by Lisa Lafave

“May the Joy of a Dream Baby Be Yours ~ Lisa Lafave”

I can remember when I was in the dreaming phase. I really wanted to move forward and get my babies, but how was always the question. There were so many options and one could really only devote oneself to one method at a time, or so it seemed to me.

I would imagine their little faces, and their little bodies, their hair, their eyes, and how they would interact with me, and I with them. I could almost feel it! I could certainly see them or many possibilities in my mind’s eye. In fact, when I was going through my adoption phase, I saw hundred’s of children in my very own private imagination. I would see them fast and furious, one after the next. I would say, “No, that’s not my baby,” and then I would consider the next one. It was, as if, it was my job to find my own individual baby, out of thousands waiting for a forever home. I just couldn’t find mine.

I had told my family and friends that I was adopting a baby or two. I believed it. One day, my father made the crushing remark, that it was only a rumor, that I was adopting. It was my truth, how could he possibly negate it? I couldn’t believe he could even utter such unspeakable words. In the end, he told the truth. All along it was only a rumor, and one I was spreading it. Whoever would have thunk?

I was single and mostly going at this whole thing alone. Sometimes I think that’s easier, because if you need a break from it all, you just take one, and no one in particular gets mad at you. Then you pick it back up again, when you are ready.

But the dream is for a baby, a bouncing baby boy or girl, with long eye lashes, and beautiful eyes.

Perhaps better said, the dream is for your life with a baby in it!

It’s our destiny. It’s what we are meant to do. We are born and grow up, with family around us. Then we partner up, if we are lucky, make babies, and live with more family. Then we die, with family surrounding us.

While you are in the dreaming phase, you look longingly at others, who are well into their pregnancy, or others with little ones at the park, the beach, or the family gathering. If you work in a setting with a lot of other young woman, you just may grow to feel sad, at yet another baby shower. You may even have to avoid them, depending on how long your fertile journey becomes. Everywhere you go, you have envy in your heart.

You want someone to answer the all pressing questions of when, oh when will it be your turn. Surely you are deserving! You’ve been good, and you don’t know why this so natural of events is so completely alluding you. You are dying inside to have someone assure you, that at the end of the road, there is a baby with your name on it. If only you knew for sure.

Alas, such assurances are nowhere to be found. Some go through their fertile journey, with an innate sense that children shall be theirs. For others, that sense is just not present! They will have to wait, until the birth and the baby is handed to them, by the nurse, for that first hug, when fingers and toes are counted, to be sure all parts are present, to know that indeed they too were always meant to be a mom or dad. It just always feels to them as it could go either way! They could end up with a house full of boisterous children, or they could end up childless. Only time will tell for sure!

You wonder, just what would that be like to have one of your own? You would be in love again, but this time, your love would be so deserving! The object of your affection would be this precious little one, that you would want to protect like no other. You would stand up, and do whatever you had to ensure this one had a good life! You would take responsibility proudly. You would do everything, even if there were no thank-yous! It is just the way of life. First, it is your parents turn, then it is your turn, and if you are lucky, you will see the miracle of life, once again in your grandchildren.

You just know, you would savor every moment, and not rush things, ahead of their time. You would enjoy getting your baby ready, for their day. Their joys would be your joy, whether it be from playing with blocks, or trucks, or their favorite dolly, or something even more engaging like ever elusive bubbles, or the sprinkler, or water in a baby pool, in the privacy of your own backyard, or at the club, with lots of friends and family around. You would enjoy moments, in which your baby was breastfeeding, or experiencing a new food, for the first time. Clean up would be a joy! Especially when it comes to bath time, with your little one! Bath time is sometimes the best time of the day! All those bubbles, and soothing luke warm water! Ah, just the thought of it all! Wouldn’t it be grand?

You would also share story time with your beloved little one. First, they would be board books mostly comprised of pictures, and later the words would emerge on each page. First, there would be just a few and baby would be trying to learn vocabulary, and later they would be following the story, and trying to match sounds to letters. What joy! Next thing, you know they will be reading primers, and then the great explosion occurs, and they are reading short chapter books, and finally novels! At that moment, you know your child has the world of books, as a friend to keep him safe, and happy til the end. What a joy it would be.

My journey was long, 13 to 15 years depending on how you count it, but I did not suffer. I simply worked hard. One of the hardest things in my travels toward building my family is that my journey left me wildly out of sync, with my peers. My kids were being born, and my friend’s kids were out of college.

Fortunately, I have a knack for relating to people of a variety of ages, and being an older mother has not been too hard on me, either. It just really depends on your perspective! The benefit of it all was I had plenty of “me time,” before my children were born. I got to do everything my heart desired! Now, I have no regrets, when I have to stay home to be with my children. It simply isn’t an issue. I just have no great longing to be out socializing all the time. My place is with my children, and I enjoy it.

Although I want you to get your wish and have your baby, I certainly don’t want you to duplicate my process. My journey was just so darn long. I squandered time, I could have been spending with my children, and my grandchildren! I don’t want your journey to take so long. I want you to have plenty of family time to fill your weeks, and months, and years! I want you heart to be filled with beautiful memories of you and your most treasured family! So I am hoping you will learn from my journey, but streamline yours! I want you to have your wish and get that dream baby soon, whether this is your first baby, your middle child, or your last!

Do whatever you need to, to be healthy for your fertile journey! Lose weight, if you are heavy. Eat a healthy diet. Choose foods carefully at the market. Exercise, if you don’t. Try to get enough sleep! It’s healthy for you. Reduce toxins in your environment, including BPAs and pesticides to name a few. Changing some of these habits now, will not only be healthy for you and your partner, but will set the stage for raising your family. You’ll really be a leg up, if you start to make these changes, before your bundle of joy arrives.

Only you or your God can decide what is the right number of babies for you. Some of us have small families, and some have large. However many children you have, or want, and no matter what method you use to bring them into your family, may your children bring you all the joy in the world! Sending very positive vibes your way! We are so glad that you have joined our community at Coaching Rocks! Let your family be part of our family of choice! We look forward to many years of serving you, and providing you, with valuable information, regarding how to grow your family!

Never Give Up the Dream and Don’t Forget to Leap Into Action!

Lisa

Lisa J Lafave, PhD, MBA, ACC, BCC

CEO & Founder of Coaching Rocks

The Fertility Coach at Coaching Rocks

A Single Mom by Choice Raising Surrogacy Twin Boys

Written in my Little Brick in University Hts Ohio

Surrogacy

June 27, 2018 by Lisa Lafave

For some people, if they really want a baby, Surrogacy just might be their only option. It works well when people have enough money to fund the project, which just might cost upwards of $135K, and are unable to create a baby, with even the assistance of more traditional IVF.

In traditional IVF, the mother takes shots of a medicine like Clomid, to help her hyper secrete eggs, which can then be removed from her body, such that egg and sperm can be joined outside the womb, in a laboratory. Once the cells have been allowed to divide and grow for about 5 days in a Petri dish, the best of the embryos are chosen and then placed in the intended mother’s body. The embryo transfer occurs at just the right time, in the intended mother’s cycle, through the benefits of medicine, to help her intrauterine lining build up enough to create an environment, in which the fledgling embryo can, not only attach to the the uterine lining, but also thrive and multiply.

In surrogacy, an individual or a couple may opt to use their own DNA along with that of their partner’s DNA, or use either, or both donor egg and donor sperm. Again egg and sperm are joined outside the surrogate’s body, and left for about five days to mature, before the embryo transfer is made into the surrogate’s body, where it will hopefully remain until birth. Thus the difference between more traditional IVF, and IVF in the case of Surrogacy is that the embryo in traditional IVF goes inside the intended mother’s body, while in Surrogacy the embryo is transferred to the surrogate. In the case of Surrogacy, the intended mother then waits roughly 10 months patiently for her baby, while it is gestating inside the surrogate’s body.

Surrogacy involves interfacing with a variety of people and agencies and companies. First there are the sperm banks and the agencies that provide access to the egg donors and or surrogates. There will be people to meet and get to know at these agencies, who may guide and direct you. These people may be key in your process.

Couples or individuals need to make careful work of determining what parameters make for the ideal egg donor or sperm donor, and then set out to find someone, who matches up to that ideal, more or less. Then, you may be interviewing egg donors and surrogates. As you can imagine, the surrogate you choose will be a crucial person in this experience. You can develop a relationship with this person that may be close, or more distant, depending on each of your needs and temperaments. She will be a major resource for information, regarding your developing child. You will want to be sure to treat her, at all times, with the respect she deserves in this process.

You may also interview IVF doctors at various companies, and determine who will be your fertility lawyer, for your whole journey, or various legs of your journey. You want to be sure to use an experienced doctor, and lawyer, so you can get the best advice, as to how to proceed in various scenarios.

If all goes well, there will also be personnel at the hospital that will be important, as the surrogate goes through the labor and delivery, and then hands your dream baby over to you. Depending on where you are in the country, staff at the hospital may be more, or less experienced with surrogacy. This will in turn affect how they relate to you, as the intended parent, as well as, how they treat your surrogate.

How you treat each of these people will affect your experience with your process. So you want to pull out all of your people skills, and use them wisely, as you meet, and interact with these folks. You may be surprised to find that at different times you are going to need their help, with different aspects of your surrogacy process.

Coaching Rocks understands how sensitive and critical each step in the Surrogacy process is. Couples and individuals seeking a baby through Surrogacy are likely to want to discuss each step of the journey, and may need help in establishing what their next step in the journey is. Frustrations, with the process, need a place where they can be vented, in order to move the process forward.

Do you think Surrogacy might right for you? First consider, do you have the funds for Surrogacy, as well as, enough money to raise your baby, once the baby is born? If you will be financially wiped out by the surrogacy process, this is probably not the right method for you to select, to create your family, or add another baby to your family.

Never Forget the Dream and Don’t Forget to Leap Into Action,

Lisa

Lisa J Lafave, PhD, MBA, ACC, BCC
CEO & Founder of Coaching Rocks, LLC
The Surrogacy Coach of Coaching Rocks
A Single Mom By Choice Raising Surrogacy Twin Boys
Written in My Little Brick in University Hts, Ohio

IUIs At Home

June 26, 2018 by Lisa Lafave

Coaching Rocks is well aware of what a nightmare a woman and her partner may be experiencing as a result of not being able to get pregnant the old fashioned way, or by having traditional sex with her partner.

The American Society of Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) suggests that women have 5-6 days a month, when sexual intercourse is likely to led to pregnancy. Furthermore ASRM contends that on any given month, a 30 year old woman has a 20% chance of getting pregnant. In general, your chances of getting pregnant begin to plummet by age 35. Furthermore, the ASRM notes that by the time that same woman is 40 years old, her chance of getting pregnant, each cycle, goes down to 5%. If a typical couple has not gotten pregnant after a year of trying, it is time to get some assistance. For some, IUIs at home may be the first line of intervention or assisted reproduction.

IUIs at home stands for at home intrauterine insemination. IUI at home does not involve the use of medications. Although it is typically called IUI, it is really an ICI, or intracervical insemination or IVI intravaginal insemination. ICI or IVI are simply at home types of artificial insemination. ICI or IVI are slightly less invasive than IUI, which requires a doctor to be involved! Conversely IUI holds a slightly greater chance of producing a pregnancy. In IUI at home, a woman, may choose to inseminate herself or have her partner inseminate her, with sperm, through a “turkey baster” of sorts. The “turkey baster” is more technically referred to as an insemination syringe. In IUI, ICI, or IVI sexual intercourse is not used to inseminate the woman.

IUI at home is typically opted for by 1) a single mom by choice, 2) a single or married, gay or bisexual woman, or a 3) heterosexual couple. In each case, they are using known or unknown donor sperm, which was processed at a sperm bank. When a heterosexual couple is opting for this method the intended father has male factor infertility. In short, he is having trouble with his sperm, and is either infertile, has a low sperm count or has “slow swimmers.” Thus the heterosexual couple is opting to use donor or known donor sperm to replace to intended the father’s sperm.

One of the greatest attributes of this type of assisted reproduction is that it is non-invasive, fairly affordable, and can be done in the privacy of your own home, not to mention the fact that it can possibly involve your partner.

It is possible to buy an IUI at home kit, over the internet. The insemination syringes, as well as the complete kit, can be purchased for less than $100. A simple Google search will get you on your way.

The trickiest part of IUI at home (just like intercourse, for the purpose of pregnancy) is deciding when is the right time to be inseminated. Some of the science behind conception or fertilization and getting pregnant or implantation of the embryo into the uterine wall, yields some clues.

Fertilization can occur as quickly as 3 minutes after intercourse. Conversely, it can take as long as 5 days. You see, the sperm is released into the vagina and then climbs up the cervix, or the neck of the uterus, attempting to join with the egg, via spinbarkite mucus. Spinbarkite mucus’ sole purpose is to help your body get pregnant. Once in the cervix, the sperm then has to swim through the uterus and up the fallopian tubes. Generally, the sperm meets the egg in the fallopian tubes, which is where conception and fertilization take place.

The embryo then has to journey back down the fallopian tubes to the uterus, where it can implant into the rich uterine lining. All of this takes time. You are not literally pregnant, until implantation occurs. Implantation typically occurs 10 to 15 days after you have had sexual intercourse, provided an egg is available at intercourse, or becomes available within 5 days of intercourse. Six days is the maximum life span of sperm inside the female reproductive system. At day six the sperm dies. So although you have sex on day one, fertilization may not occur until day 5, and implantation may not occur until day 15. Implantation may occur as early as day 10, which is 5 days after fertilization. Said another way, implantation occurs 5 to 10 days after fertilization.

Thus in order to time your insemination wisely, you need to know when you are ovulating. Ovulation occurs one day each month. Once ovulation occurs, the egg will be alive for 12 to 24 hours. In order for conception to occur, the sperm must meet the egg, during this critical fertile window. Once a woman has a good sense of when she is ovulating, she has a much greater likelihood of getting pregnant. This is because she can then increase insemination just just before or when she knows she is ovulating. In fact you want to start trying to conceive 5 days prior to when you anticipate you will be ovulating. You can get pregnant 5 days before you ovulate, the day you ovulate, and sometimes the day after you ovulate.

So how do you know when you are ovulating? In an ideal situation, a woman has a 28 day cycle and ovulates on day 14. You may not always ovulate exactly in the middle of your cycle, and may not have an ideal 28 day cycle. Tracking your cycle and taking your temperature upon waking can yield clues. When you ovulate you will see a slight rise in your morning temperature. Vaginal discharge changes during ovulation. This is owing to the spinbarkite mucus that hangs down from your cervix, into your vagina, and serves as a wick for the sperm to gain easy access to the uterus. Spinbarkite mucus is clear and stretchy. During ovulation, some of it will drop right out of the vagina. Lower back and abdomen pain is another telltale sign of ovulation. Likewise, increased sex drive is another common symptom. If you still feel unsure, you might consider investing in an ovulation monitoring kit, which will detect hormones in your urine that indicate when ovulation is occurring. Being aware of these changes or using the kit will help you to predict when you want you want to begin IUI at home. Remember, you should begin IUI, prior to when you believe you will ovulate.

Many people are curious as to whether the sperm can benefit from the women laying in a horizontal position, after insemination, to aid the swimming action of the sperm. People reason that if the woman stands up, the sperm have to swim against gravity, as they try to reach the egg in the fallopian tubes. Thus they surmise that it would be easier for the sperm to swim faster to the fallopian tubes, if they didn’t have to fight gravity. Research about this is inconclusive. Some think the position makes no difference. Other studies suggest that laying down for 10 minutes after insemination, can enhance the chances of fertilization. As a result, when trying to conceive, many woman will lay flat or with their hips in the air, for 10 minutes after intercourse or IUI at home.

Keeping track of your progress is important. So take a moment and document what you tried and what the results were.

If you aren’t successful in 6 months, you should likely see the doctor to determine if you possibly have other forms of infertility, like female factor infertility, which may be a problem with the uterus, the fallopian tubes, your hormones, or the quality of the eggs released at ovulation or the frequency eggs are actually released each month. You may also suffer from endometriosis, fibroids or pelvic inflammatory disease, all of which can make getting pregnant and carrying a baby to term significantly more difficult. You may also have an undetermined infertility factor, in which the problem remains undiagnosed. Finally, you and your partner may have mixed infertility factor, in which the problem lies with both partners. If you are having additional problems, the doctor might suggest another method to help you get pregnant.

At Coaching Rocks, we know it is especially trying when you want to be pregnant and aren’t. This is compounded by seeing new mothers in the supermarket, pregnant colleagues at work, or close friends or family members, who are already living their destiny, with their dream babies when you don’t have yours.

Consider giving yourself as much self care as you can muster. Anxiety, frustration and stress simply compound your already present fertility issues. Try to relax and enjoy yourself. Consider doing some yoga, or another form of exercise. Eat well and be sure to take especially good care of yourself, as you are trying to conceive.

Never Give Up the Dream and Don’t Forget to Leap Into Action,

Lisa

Lisa J Lafave, PhD, MBA, ACC, BCC
CEO & Founder of Coaching Rocks, LLC
The Fertility Coach at Coaching Rocks
A Single Mom by Coice Raising Surrogacy Twin Boys
Written In My Little Buck in University Hts, Ohio

Fulfilling Your Destiny One Baby at a Time

June 24, 2018 by Lisa Lafave

So you want a baby. So you tell me it’s taking you longer than you thought it would take. Well I guess you’ll just have to double down and work at it a bit harder. Or maybe you have to be smarter!

I mean isn’t this about fulfilling your destiny? Isn’t this what you feel you are supposed to do with your life? You know, be born, grow up, have children, and then die. Isn’t that about the rhythm of it all? Isn’t that the story for most us, that breathe on this earth, whether human or not? Our destiny is to have children, and if we have to work on it, it’s worth it, because it’s our destiny. After all, everything that’s worth living for doesn’t necessarily come easily.

I know there are some out there that skip the having children part, and that’s okay too. Just maybe, it wasn’t meant to be in your case. For whatever reason, you decided you didn’t want children. That’s okay. What’s not okay is for someone to miss out on the chance to raise children, in this day and age (2018), when there are so many ways to bring a child into your life.

Remember not too long ago, if you or your spouse didn’t have the right stuff to make a baby, you’d just be childless forever. And those who never married rarely had children. Well the times they have changed, because all kinds of people, married, or not, are having babies.

Let the Fertility Coach, at Coaching Rocks, help you rock that baby right into your life.

Don’t give up now, when you’ve already come so far. Success may be right around the corner!

Best to you and never give up the dream,

Lisa

Lisa J Lafave, PhD, MBA, ACC, BCC
CEO & Founder of Coaching Rocks, LLC
The Fertility Coach at Coaching Rocks
A Single Mom by Choice Raising Surrogacy Twin Boys
Written in My Little Brick in University Heights, Ohio