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IVF

Your Reward Is Your Baby

July 7, 2018 by Lisa Lafave

Your Reward Is Your Baby

Your Reward Is Your Baby

I know you feel like you are doing a lot of hard work, to get your baby.  And I know that it so very disappointing every month, that the pregnancy test shows you did not conceive, and did not achieve your objective.  I know it is even worse, when you did conceive, and the baby didn’t stick.  And worse yet, when you get further along your journey and miscarry.  These loses are all traumatic.  But you must get through these loses to get to the actual baby, that is meant to be your forever baby.

I know for some the natural conception thing is not meant to be.  You may wrestle with that idea quite a bit.  We all quite naturally want our own child, coming from our own DNA.  But sometimes it just can’t happen, and if you are in this boat you will have to decide what is best for you, 1) no baby at all, or  2) if you have the financial wherewithall, you might pick IVF, with someone else’s DNA, or 3) you might even choose to farm the whole process out, and have a baby through surrogacy, or 4) you might prefer to go the adoption route, and help out a child, who has no parent at the ready.  If you choose adoption, you will have to decide what to focus on, domestic adoption, international adoption or foster to adopt. Once you decide where you belong, you can move through your next paces.  They may not be easy, but you can work on what is before you, in order to bring your dream baby home.

No matter what option you pick, Coaching Rocks can be at your side, to urge you on, and help you through your process.  You could work with someone one on one, or in a group.  You can contact us and arrange a complimentary Discovery Call to see if you feel like Coaching Rocks is the right coaching resource for you.

Never forget your dream baby is at the end of the road!  When you do conceive, and it sticks, and the pregnancy goes well, your reward is a darling little baby boy, or baby girl, or maybe even both!  You will be on the top of the world.  You’ll want to sing it out to the moon and the stars!  Your dream baby has arrived.

Who wouldn’t be delighted with a baby, with a darling little nose, a smile like your partner’s, and eyebrows like your father’s?  This baby is indeed your reward for all the extra effort and all the labor you went through to bring this baby home, not matter what the method.  It’s truly amazing how often adopted children, or surrogacy babies, with no DNA in common with their parents, can grow to look like their family members.

Once you have your baby, and care for your baby, it truly does not matter to you how you came by your child.  You take the child as your own.  People often place far to much emphasis on DNA.

How many of you are animal lovers? How many actually have animals?  You don’t have any DNA in common with your pet, be it a dog, a cat, a snake, a goat, or a bunny rabbit.  But you still may have a deep love for your animal.  You may have a trusting, and fun loving relationship with that animal, that does not depend on a DNA connection.

I use beloved pets, as an example, because they are family.  They are a close second to children.  We care about how they feel.  We care about the quality of their day.  We want them to have a satisfied tummy and a good night’s sleep.   We take them on outtings with us.  They are there for us, when we low.  We spend our good times, and our bad times with them.  They know us best.  We intervene, as best we can, when our animals are sick, and we grieve, when they die.  Oh how we grieve!  There is really nothing like losing a trusted pet.

Rightly or wrongly, many of us treat our animals like family, or like children.  Many of us even refer to our beloved pets, as our babies, or our fur babies.  In fact, it makes no difference to us that they are a different species.  We actually relish in the differences.  We don’t need them to be from the same tribe as ours to love them with the intensity that we do.  I believe the love comes from the relationship.  I believe you love what, and who you care for, DNA aside.

Interestingly, many of you probably coupled up, moved in together, and then got a dog, or a cat. Your fur baby was your first baby, your first commitment.  Your first attempt at keeping a beloved other alive, through thick and thin, right in the the midst of all of your other obligations.  It was kind of like your “starter baby.”  If that went well, and you could negotiate with one another, about how to take care of that family member, maybe you felt like you just might be ready for a real live bouncing baby boy or girl.  That dog or cat may have been the guinea pig, to see if the two of you could work together well enough to take care of that pet.  That pet may have been a harbinger of things to come, more specifically, babies to come.

Have you ever noticed how some people get married, and divorce just before you thought they might have that first baby? Well, fortunately, they figured out they weren’t matched well, and were not up to the task of parenting a child together, so they split up, before they had one.  In my estimation, they weren’t up for the big commitment of having a child together.  Marriage, and having a house, and a pet together were one thing, but having a child together is the real commitment.

Most of you reading this are ready for that child, singly, or coupled up, you want that baby now.  My point in bringing up the animals is just to remind you that, if you can’t use your own DNA, you will still be able to fall in love deeply, with your child.  It really can be okay.  It really can be no big deal.  It all depends on how you decide to view it.

Once you have that baby that you’ve dreamed about for so long, you are off to the races!  It’s one bottle or one breastfeeding moment after the next, and one burping session after the next, and then one diaper after the next.   You’ll be doing one bath after the next, one clothing change after the next, and so on, and so forth.  You and your baby will be giggling and smiling at one another in no time. You will be continually showing off your baby to family and friends, and even to strangers, or passerbys.  Your baby will become your pride and joy.  As the days pass by, you will fall deeply in love, with your little treasure.  He or she will be the apple of your eye, and the fruit of your labor.  I think you will agree that this little angel was worth all the bother after all.  All those trials and tribulations will seem quite trivial, when you have that little one sitting in your lap, or snuggling in your arms, about to slip off to sleep.

Next thing you know, you will be going to outings at the local playground, Mommy and Me Meetups, swimming lessons, gymnastics, and music classes.  You will be so fully immersed in your new life with your baby, you will hardly even remember what life was like, without your little one.

So remember, your dream baby is your reward, for all the hard work that you must do to get that baby, and bring him, or her home, to the little nest you have so carefully prepared.

 

Never Forget the Dream and Leap Into Action!

 

Lisa

 

Lisa J Lafave, PhD, eMBA, ACC, BCC

CEO & Founder of Coaching Rocks

The Fertility Coach At Coaching Rocks

Single Mother by Choice of Surrogacy Twin Boys

Written In My Little Brick in University Hts, Ohio

Filed Under: Infertility Quotes Tagged With: adoption, Coaching Rocks, domestic adoption, Foster to adopt, infertility quotes, inspirational infertility quotes, international adoption, IVF, Lisa J Lafave, Lisa Lafave, Lisa Lafave Surrogacy Rocks, quotes about infertility, quotes on infertility, Surrogacy, The Fertility Coach at Coaching Rocks

Are You Sure Surrogacy Is Your Path?

July 15, 2015 by Lisa Lafave

There are so many ways to make a baby and you can spend quite a bit of time working at it through a variety of means:

The old fashioned way
Adoption
Foster Care
International Adoption
Artificial Insemination (AI)
Embryo Adoption an Insemination
In Virto Fertilization (IVF)
Surrogacy

Once you’ve tried many and ruled out some of the others, it may occur to you that surrogacy is for you!

In my case, I started the old fashioned way, and progressed to surrogacy once my relationship with my boyfriend was over. I quickly ruled surrogacy out, and then went right through most of the other methods, just to end up back in the surrogacy boat. What you need to know is I spent 14 years trying other methods! Then once I embraced surrogacy totally I had my children within 14 months. My kids would be 19 1/2 and in college had I pursued surrogacy to its logical conclusion the first time. But then again I wouldn’t have Jarvie and Giles, if I’d done that, because I purchased their father’s sperm circa 2009 and found our egg donor around the same time!

I cannot say you will have the same speedy result I did, nor can I even say you will be successful at all. What I can say is that the doctor I worked with, Dr. David Smotrich, of La Jolla IVF, boosts a surrogacy success rate of 85%! Now that’s huge. He can have results like these not only due to his own prowess but also owing to the addition of youth being on his side. An embryologist once told me that youth trumps all in the fertility game! Never forget those words of wisdom. You want youthful sperm, youthful eggs and a youthful surrogate. Keep that in the forefront of your mind as you select those on your surrogacy team. Said another way, all three legs of the surrogacy stool must embody youth.

Surrogacy is costly, but it may be the means to end your suffering and make your dream of having a baby and a family come true. When you think of the ROI, it doesn’t really seem so costly. Go ahead get in the game. If you’ve got the costs covered, you really have nothing to lose!

If I knew then, what I know now, I would have done it sooner. I would have done it in a blink of an eye. Which would have afforded me the chance to be younger raising my children and a longer life with my children. My delay may seriously have cost me the chance to ever know my grandkids and my journey with my children is significantly shortened which costs all of us immeasurably. Go ahead. Get in the game! No more time to waste! Do it! Do it now!

Lisa J Lafave, PhD, MBA, ACC
The Surrogacy Coach from Surrogacy Rocks
CEO & Founder of Coaching Rocks, LLC
A Single Mom By Choice Raising Surrogacy Twin Boys
Written in My Little Brick in University Heights, Ohio

Filed Under: Surrogacy Made Easy Tagged With: adoption, artificial insemination, Coaching Rocks, Dr. David Smotrich, egg donor surrogate, Embryo Adoption, embryo donation, foster care, In Vitro Fertilization, international adoption, IVF, La Jolla IVF, Lisa J Lafave, Lisa Lafave, Sperm Donor, Surrogacy, Surrogacy Rocks, Surrogacy success rate, The Surrogacy Coach

What If You Had A Multiple Birth?

July 14, 2015 by Lisa Lafave

You know multiple births do happen with a certain amount of specificity in the surrogacy world. What if it happened to you?

I was advised that if I really wanted a baby, I should likely transfer two or three embryos into the womb of my surrogate. Apparently, the shear presence of the first embryo helps the second to implant.

In my case, I elected to have two embryos transferred. I was anticipating one, but prepared to handle twins. Conversely, I felt completely overwhelmed by the chance of having triplets.

As I have mentioned somewhere else, I had the opportunity to meet a Dad, who had one child and wanted a second. He and his wife struggled with conception and opted for IVF. They put two embryos in and one split yielding a set of identical twins and a third baby, meaning triplets, in addition to the child they already had. Their reality became four children, not the two they were hoping for.

How would you feel if you ended up with twins, or triplets, or even quadrulets? How would you manage? Who would help you? How would you cope financially? Would you have to move?

There is a family locally that I know of who had one child, a set of quads and then another child. I remember the first time I encountered them. They were shopping at Heinens. Mom was there with a double stroller, pushing the kids, with a babysitter, behind her, pushing yet another double stroller. I thought heck who has space for the groceries, when there are so many children to manage. All I could imagine is that they must shop every day!

This family belongs to the JCC were my boys attended pre-K for three years so we saw this family on a number of occasions and I must say I always shook in my boots, thinking, “What if …”

In any event, it is now time that you consider how many embryos you want to transfer and what the consequences might be.

Please write a comment about what provisions you would put in place in case you had triplets or quadruplets or even more children from one pregnancy.

Don’t get too worried, the incidence of identical quadruplets is 64 million!

Lisa J Lafave, PhD, MBA, ACC
The Surrogacy Coach from Surrogacy Rocks
CEO & Founder of Coaching Rocks, LLC
A Single Mom By Choice Raising Surrogacy Twin Boys
Written in My Little Brick in University Heights, Ohio

Filed Under: Surrogacy Made Easy Tagged With: Coaching Rocks, Conception, Embryo transfer, IVF, Lisa J Lafave, Lisa Lafave, multiple births, quadruplets, Surrogacy, Surrogacy Rocks, Surrogate, The Surrogacy Coach, The Surrogacy Rocks Coach, triplets, Twins

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