Conception

You know multiple births do happen with a certain amount of specificity in the surrogacy world. What if it happened to you?

I was advised that if I really wanted a baby, I should likely transfer two or three embryos into the womb of my surrogate. Apparently, the shear presence of the first embryo helps the second to implant.

In my case, I elected to have two embryos transferred. I was anticipating one, but prepared to handle twins. Conversely, I felt completely overwhelmed by the chance of having triplets.

As I have mentioned somewhere else, I had the opportunity to meet a Dad, who had one child and wanted a second. He and his wife struggled with conception and opted for IVF. They put two embryos in and one split yielding a set of identical twins and a third baby, meaning triplets, in addition to the child they already had. Their reality became four children, not the two they were hoping for.

How would you feel if you ended up with twins, or triplets, or even quadrulets? How would you manage? Who would help you? How would you cope financially? Would you have to move?

There is a family locally that I know of who had one child, a set of quads and then another child. I remember the first time I encountered them. They were shopping at Heinens. Mom was there with a double stroller, pushing the kids, with a babysitter, behind her, pushing yet another double stroller. I thought heck who has space for the groceries, when there are so many children to manage. All I could imagine is that they must shop every day!

This family belongs to the JCC were my boys attended pre-K for three years so we saw this family on a number of occasions and I must say I always shook in my boots, thinking, “What if …”

In any event, it is now time that you consider how many embryos you want to transfer and what the consequences might be.

Please write a comment about what provisions you would put in place in case you had triplets or quadruplets or even more children from one pregnancy.

Don’t get too worried, the incidence of identical quadruplets is 64 million!

Lisa J Lafave, PhD, MBA, ACC
The Surrogacy Coach from Surrogacy Rocks
CEO & Founder of Coaching Rocks, LLC
A Single Mom By Choice Raising Surrogacy Twin Boys
Written in My Little Brick in University Heights, Ohio

Everyone who has a baby the traditional way has their birth story. You will have a birth story too. What is unique is your conception story. It isn’t just dinner and a movie! In fact, it’s far more complicated! Some couples are unaware of the exact moment of conception. Others are keenly aware.

If you attend the embryo transfer, and I highly recommend that you do, you will not be present for the exact moment of conception, but for a very significant moment in the development of your child. The transfer was an extremely important moment in my life. A peak moment, if you will.

You will be surprised how many people will ask you questions about why your kids don’t have a father. And every time it will beg you to tell your surrogacy story. If you have time you may be pleased to educate and share the specifics of your story. Other times you’ll be frankly too busy! However, I do believe that your openness will inform your children as to how open they may be!

And people will ask your children about it too. So they need to be prepared for some answers.

When my boys were 2-3 years old Gilie asked me, “Mama how come we don’t have a Daddy?” I told him, “We just weren’t lucky enough!” I expounded that I wished we had a Daddy in our family, but that when it came right down to it, Mama just hadn’t been lucky enough to find the right guy.

About a month later, when we were at Family Place at the JCC, a friend from their class asked Giles why he didn’t have a Dad. You know what he said? He said, “We just weren’t lucky enough!” I was so glad I had given him the words already and so impressed that he remembered verbatim what I had said!

One friend who is the the mother of twins through surrogacy said to me, “I don’t know why I should talk about my kids’ conception, when no one else talks about their kid’s conceptio

Have it anyway you want! Talk it up or talk it down! Just realize this is something you will have to figure out. You will have to develop your own style, as to how you will handle these inquiries. Best of luck in your journey.

Comment below about the most surprising questions complete strangers have asked you about your family.

What If You Had A Multiple Birth?

How Open Will You be About Your Child’s Conception Story?