For some people, if they really want a baby, Surrogacy just might be their only option. It works well when people have enough money to fund the project, which just might cost upwards of $135K, and are unable to create a baby, with even the assistance of more traditional IVF.
In traditional IVF, the mother takes shots of a medicine like Clomid, to help her hyper secrete eggs, which can then be removed from her body, such that egg and sperm can be joined outside the womb, in a laboratory. Once the cells have been allowed to divide and grow for about 5 days in a Petri dish, the best of the embryos are chosen and then placed in the intended mother’s body. The embryo transfer occurs at just the right time, in the intended mother’s cycle, through the benefits of medicine, to help her intrauterine lining build up enough to create an environment, in which the fledgling embryo can, not only attach to the the uterine lining, but also thrive and multiply.
In surrogacy, an individual or a couple may opt to use their own DNA along with that of their partner’s DNA, or use either, or both donor egg and donor sperm. Again egg and sperm are joined outside the surrogate’s body, and left for about five days to mature, before the embryo transfer is made into the surrogate’s body, where it will hopefully remain until birth. Thus the difference between more traditional IVF, and IVF in the case of Surrogacy is that the embryo in traditional IVF goes inside the intended mother’s body, while in Surrogacy the embryo is transferred to the surrogate. In the case of Surrogacy, the intended mother then waits roughly 10 months patiently for her baby, while it is gestating inside the surrogate’s body.
Surrogacy involves interfacing with a variety of people and agencies and companies. First there are the sperm banks and the agencies that provide access to the egg donors and or surrogates. There will be people to meet and get to know at these agencies, who may guide and direct you. These people may be key in your process.
Couples or individuals need to make careful work of determining what parameters make for the ideal egg donor or sperm donor, and then set out to find someone, who matches up to that ideal, more or less. Then, you may be interviewing egg donors and surrogates. As you can imagine, the surrogate you choose will be a crucial person in this experience. You can develop a relationship with this person that may be close, or more distant, depending on each of your needs and temperaments. She will be a major resource for information, regarding your developing child. You will want to be sure to treat her, at all times, with the respect she deserves in this process.
You may also interview IVF doctors at various companies, and determine who will be your fertility lawyer, for your whole journey, or various legs of your journey. You want to be sure to use an experienced doctor, and lawyer, so you can get the best advice, as to how to proceed in various scenarios.
If all goes well, there will also be personnel at the hospital that will be important, as the surrogate goes through the labor and delivery, and then hands your dream baby over to you. Depending on where you are in the country, staff at the hospital may be more, or less experienced with surrogacy. This will in turn affect how they relate to you, as the intended parent, as well as, how they treat your surrogate.
How you treat each of these people will affect your experience with your process. So you want to pull out all of your people skills, and use them wisely, as you meet, and interact with these folks. You may be surprised to find that at different times you are going to need their help, with different aspects of your surrogacy process.
Coaching Rocks understands how sensitive and critical each step in the Surrogacy process is. Couples and individuals seeking a baby through Surrogacy are likely to want to discuss each step of the journey, and may need help in establishing what their next step in the journey is. Frustrations, with the process, need a place where they can be vented, in order to move the process forward.
Do you think Surrogacy might right for you? First consider, do you have the funds for Surrogacy, as well as, enough money to raise your baby, once the baby is born? If you will be financially wiped out by the surrogacy process, this is probably not the right method for you to select, to create your family, or add another baby to your family.
Never Forget the Dream and Don’t Forget to Leap Into Action,
Lisa J Lafave, PhD, MBA, ACC, BCC
CEO & Founder of Coaching Rocks, LLC
The Surrogacy Coach of Coaching Rocks
A Single Mom By Choice Raising Surrogacy Twin Boys
Written in My Little Brick in University Hts, Ohio