By now, you all know that the fact that my embryos have been frozen all this time causes me some grief! I came across a term that is used in the embryo adoption / embryo donation world that somehow softens the blow. From this moment forward, my embryos are going to be thought of as my darling little snowflakes!
I am making arrangements to adopt out or donate my snowflakes to a friend, who so very much wants another child or two for her brood. She has been trying aggressively, cycle after cycle, and nothing has given rise to a little one that would stick. So now she enters the world of embryo adoption. She will be the one, who is adopting my darling little snowflakes.
I trust her implicitly. None of the following questions have anything to do with her integrity. Nonetheless, as I move forward in donating my snowflakes I have to be in awe of what I am giving up.
Interestingly here, my coaching role helps me in my journey. Through coaching I have been trained to ask opposing powerful questions. I have been taught to ask, “What do I give up, if I accept this?” As well as, “What do I get, if I accept this?”
In this case, by donating my snowflakes, I understand I have more love and resources to share with the wonderful boys that I already have. And I do love Jarvie and Giles so very much! I would never want to do anything to compromise their lives or life style, only enrich it.
Conversely, if I were to keep the snowflakes and have them thawed specifically for the purpose of growing my own family, I would have the joy of knowing and loving the babies that might actually come to life. I would also get the opportunity to watch all of my children grow and interact over the course of our lives. I would savor watching the them of them! But I would also have one sad friend!
This is the first time that I have ever been in touch with any feelings associated with changing my mind or even with understanding how others at the brink of giving a child or embryo away, could ever change their mind. In this very moment it all makes sense to me. Someone could very sanely change their mind and no longer be able to walk away. I truly never understood this before this exact moment. This is a complete revelation to me.
Now feeling more rational and less emotional, I know I do not have the wearwithal to have more children. Nonetheless, somehow giving them away causes me so much pain. I never knew it would. It is such a surprise. I always thought it would just bring relief that they would no longer be suspended in that nearly everlasting freeze. Alas, it causes pain as well. I will just have to learn to bravely soldier on. Who knew?
I suspect with time, the pain will ease and I will get used to the choice I have made.
Lisa J Lafave, PhD, MBA, ACC
The Surrogacy Coach from Surrogacy Matters
CEO & Founder of Coaching Rocks, LLC
A Single Mom By Choice Raising Surrogacy Twin Boys
Written in My Little Brick in University Heights, Ohio