“May the Joy of a Dream Baby Be Yours ~ Lisa Lafave”
I can remember when I was in the dreaming phase. I really wanted to move forward and get my babies, but how was always the question. There were so many options and one could really only devote oneself to one method at a time, or so it seemed to me.
I would imagine their little faces, and their little bodies, their hair, their eyes, and how they would interact with me, and I with them. I could almost feel it! I could certainly see them or many possibilities in my mind’s eye. In fact, when I was going through my adoption phase, I saw hundred’s of children in my very own private imagination. I would see them fast and furious, one after the next. I would say, “No, that’s not my baby,” and then I would consider the next one. It was, as if, it was my job to find my own individual baby, out of thousands waiting for a forever home. I just couldn’t find mine.
I had told my family and friends that I was adopting a baby or two. I believed it. One day, my father made the crushing remark, that it was only a rumor, that I was adopting. It was my truth, how could he possibly negate it? I couldn’t believe he could even utter such unspeakable words. In the end, he told the truth. All along it was only a rumor, and one I was spreading it. Whoever would have thunk?
I was single and mostly going at this whole thing alone. Sometimes I think that’s easier, because if you need a break from it all, you just take one, and no one in particular gets mad at you. Then you pick it back up again, when you are ready.
But the dream is for a baby, a bouncing baby boy or girl, with long eye lashes, and beautiful eyes.
Perhaps better said, the dream is for your life with a baby in it!
It’s our destiny. It’s what we are meant to do. We are born and grow up, with family around us. Then we partner up, if we are lucky, make babies, and live with more family. Then we die, with family surrounding us.
While you are in the dreaming phase, you look longingly at others, who are well into their pregnancy, or others with little ones at the park, the beach, or the family gathering. If you work in a setting with a lot of other young woman, you just may grow to feel sad, at yet another baby shower. You may even have to avoid them, depending on how long your fertile journey becomes. Everywhere you go, you have envy in your heart.
You want someone to answer the all pressing questions of when, oh when will it be your turn. Surely you are deserving! You’ve been good, and you don’t know why this so natural of events is so completely alluding you. You are dying inside to have someone assure you, that at the end of the road, there is a baby with your name on it. If only you knew for sure.
Alas, such assurances are nowhere to be found. Some go through their fertile journey, with an innate sense that children shall be theirs. For others, that sense is just not present! They will have to wait, until the birth and the baby is handed to them, by the nurse, for that first hug, when fingers and toes are counted, to be sure all parts are present, to know that indeed they too were always meant to be a mom or dad. It just always feels to them as it could go either way! They could end up with a house full of boisterous children, or they could end up childless. Only time will tell for sure!
You wonder, just what would that be like to have one of your own? You would be in love again, but this time, your love would be so deserving! The object of your affection would be this precious little one, that you would want to protect like no other. You would stand up, and do whatever you had to ensure this one had a good life! You would take responsibility proudly. You would do everything, even if there were no thank-yous! It is just the way of life. First, it is your parents turn, then it is your turn, and if you are lucky, you will see the miracle of life, once again in your grandchildren.
You just know, you would savor every moment, and not rush things, ahead of their time. You would enjoy getting your baby ready, for their day. Their joys would be your joy, whether it be from playing with blocks, or trucks, or their favorite dolly, or something even more engaging like ever elusive bubbles, or the sprinkler, or water in a baby pool, in the privacy of your own backyard, or at the club, with lots of friends and family around. You would enjoy moments, in which your baby was breastfeeding, or experiencing a new food, for the first time. Clean up would be a joy! Especially when it comes to bath time, with your little one! Bath time is sometimes the best time of the day! All those bubbles, and soothing luke warm water! Ah, just the thought of it all! Wouldn’t it be grand?
You would also share story time with your beloved little one. First, they would be board books mostly comprised of pictures, and later the words would emerge on each page. First, there would be just a few and baby would be trying to learn vocabulary, and later they would be following the story, and trying to match sounds to letters. What joy! Next thing, you know they will be reading primers, and then the great explosion occurs, and they are reading short chapter books, and finally novels! At that moment, you know your child has the world of books, as a friend to keep him safe, and happy til the end. What a joy it would be.
My journey was long, 13 to 15 years depending on how you count it, but I did not suffer. I simply worked hard. One of the hardest things in my travels toward building my family is that my journey left me wildly out of sync, with my peers. My kids were being born, and my friend’s kids were out of college.
Fortunately, I have a knack for relating to people of a variety of ages, and being an older mother has not been too hard on me, either. It just really depends on your perspective! The benefit of it all was I had plenty of “me time,” before my children were born. I got to do everything my heart desired! Now, I have no regrets, when I have to stay home to be with my children. It simply isn’t an issue. I just have no great longing to be out socializing all the time. My place is with my children, and I enjoy it.
Although I want you to get your wish and have your baby, I certainly don’t want you to duplicate my process. My journey was just so darn long. I squandered time, I could have been spending with my children, and my grandchildren! I don’t want your journey to take so long. I want you to have plenty of family time to fill your weeks, and months, and years! I want you heart to be filled with beautiful memories of you and your most treasured family! So I am hoping you will learn from my journey, but streamline yours! I want you to have your wish and get that dream baby soon, whether this is your first baby, your middle child, or your last!
Do whatever you need to, to be healthy for your fertile journey! Lose weight, if you are heavy. Eat a healthy diet. Choose foods carefully at the market. Exercise, if you don’t. Try to get enough sleep! It’s healthy for you. Reduce toxins in your environment, including BPAs and pesticides to name a few. Changing some of these habits now, will not only be healthy for you and your partner, but will set the stage for raising your family. You’ll really be a leg up, if you start to make these changes, before your bundle of joy arrives.
Only you or your God can decide what is the right number of babies for you. Some of us have small families, and some have large. However many children you have, or want, and no matter what method you use to bring them into your family, may your children bring you all the joy in the world! Sending very positive vibes your way! We are so glad that you have joined our community at Coaching Rocks! Let your family be part of our family of choice! We look forward to many years of serving you, and providing you, with valuable information, regarding how to grow your family!
Never Give Up the Dream and Don’t Forget to Leap Into Action!
Lisa J Lafave, PhD, MBA, ACC, BCC
CEO & Founder of Coaching Rocks
The Fertility Coach at Coaching Rocks
A Single Mom by Choice Raising Surrogacy Twin Boys
Written in my Little Brick in University Hts Ohio