May the Joy of a Dream Baby Be Yours
I can remember when I was in the dreaming phase. I really wanted to move forward and get my babies, but how was always the question. There were so many options and one could really only devote oneself to one method at a time, or so it seemed to me.
I would imagine their little faces and their little bodies, their hair, their eyes, and how they would interact with me, and I with them. I could almost feel it! I could certainly see them or many possibilities in my mind’s eye. In fact, when I was going through my adoption phase I saw hundred’s of children in my very private imagination. I would see them fast and furious, one after the next. I would say, “No that’s not my baby,” and then I would consider the next one. It was as if it was my job to find my own individual baby out of thousands waiting for a forever home. I just couldn’t find mine.
I had told my family and friends that I was adopting a baby or two. I believed it. One day, my father made the crushing remark that it was only a rumor that I was adopting. It was my truth, how could he possibly negate it? I couldn’t believe he could even utter such unspeakable words. In the end he told the truth. All along it was only a rumor and one I was spreading. Whoever would have thunk!
I was single and mostly going at this whole thing alone. Sometimes I think that’s easier, because if you need a break from it all, you just take one, and no one in particular gets mad at you. Then you pick it back up again, when you are ready.
Again it’s our destiny. It’s what we are meant to do. We are born and grow up with family around us. Then we partner up, if we are lucky, make babies, and live with more family. Then we die with family surrounding us.
While you are in the dreaming phase, you look longingly at others, who are well into their pregnancy, or others with little ones at the park, the beach, or the family gathering. If you work in a setting with a lot of other young woman you just may grow to feel sad at yet another baby shower. You may even have to avoid them depending on how long your fertile journey becomes. Everywhere you go, you have envy in your heart.
You want someone to answer the all pressing question of when, oh when will it be your turn. Surely you are deserving! You’ve been good, and don’t know why this so natural of events is so completely alluding you. You are dying inside to have someone assure that at the end of the road there is a baby with your name on it. If only you knew for sure.
Alas such assurances are nowhere to be found. Some go through their fertile journey with an inmate sense that children shall be theirs. For others, that sense is just not present! They will have to wait, until the birth and the baby is handed to them by the nurse, for that first hug, when fingers and toes are counted, to be sure all parts are present.
You wonder just what would that be like to have one of your own. You would be in love again, but this time your love would be so deserving! The object of your affection would be this precious little one that you would want to protect like no other. You would stand up and do whatever you had to ensure this one had a good life! You would take responsibility proudly. You would do everything, even if there were no thank-yous! It is just the way of life. First, it is your parents turn, then it is your turn, and if you are lucky you will see the miracle of life, once again in your grandchildren.
You just know, you would savor every moment, and not rush things, ahead of their time. You would enjoy getting your baby ready, for their day. Their joys would be your joy, whether it be from playing with blocks, or trucks, or their favorite dolly, or something even more engaging like ever elusive bubbles, or the sprinkler, or baby pool in the privacy of your own backyard, or at the club with lots of friends and family around. You would enjoy moments where your baby was breastfeeding or experiencing a new food for the first time. Clean up would be a joy! Especially when it comes to bath time, with your little one! Bath time is sometimes the best time of the day! All those bubbles and soothing luke warm water! Ah, just the thought of it all! Wouldn’t it be grand!
You would also share story time with you beloved little one. First they would be board books mostly comprised of pictures and later the words would emerge on each page. First there would be just a few and baby would be trying to learn vocabulary and later they would be following the story and trying to match sounds to letters. What joy! Next thing you they will be reading primers and then the great explosion occurs and they are reading short chapter books and finally novels! At that moment, you know you your child has the world of books as a friend to keep him safe and happy til the end. What a joy it would be.
My journey was long, but I did not suffer. I simply worked hard. One of the hardest things is my journey left me out of sync with my peers. My kids were being born and my friends kids were out of college. Fortunately I have a knack for relating to people of a variety of ages and being an older mother has not been too hard on me either. It just really depends on your perspective! The benefit of it all was I had plenty of me time before my children were born and have no regrets when I have to stay home to be with my children.
Do whatever you need to be healthy for your fertile journey! Lose weight, if you are heavy. Eat a healthy diet. Exercise, if you don’t. It’s healthy for you. Reduce toxins in your environment, including BPAs and pesticides to name a few.
Only you or your God can decide what is the right number of babies for you. Some of us have small families and some have large. However many children you have, and no matter what method you use to bring them into your family, may your children bring you all the joy in the world.
Never Give Up the Dream and Don’t Forget to Leap Into Action!
Lisa J Lafave, PhD, MBA, ACC, BCC
CEO & Founder of Coaching Rocks
The Fertility Coach at Coaching Rocks
A Single Mom by Choice Raising Surrogacy Twin Boys
Written in my Little Brick in University Hts Ohio