Some people who are new to the surrogacy journey have some hesitation in their heart about about surrogacy. When they really delve into it, they realize that if someone out there, that is meaningful to them, could give them their blessing, they would be able to proceed more easily along their surrogacy path. Ask yourself, is there anybody I may dissapoint by doing this. Is there anyone I really need to talk this over with? Is there anyone whose help I may need along the way?
Consider how you would feel if your child pursued a path such as surrogacy, without even discussing it with you. Would you be upset by being left out? Would you feel more included by being consulted? How might this (being included or left out early on) possibly affect your relationship with your child or your grandchild?
Consider who you might suspect might have a hard time with such an avant guard means of becoming a parent. Then wonder if you could be wrong. Sometimes people will surprise and delight you with a foreword thinking ability and respond in a fashion that is completely the opposite of what you might have guessed. This is important, because you may have important allies out there that you discounted early on. I urge you to check in with all the key players in your life. They can help to ease the pain with all the ups and downs you will go through in the surrogacy journey and trust me there will be many. They will also be there to help to celebrate the wins and victories, big and small.
Why not spend some time with family and friends and learn about how they feel about surrogacy in general and then suggest that it’s an idea you’ve been considering for yourself. Notice if their reaction in general is different from the personal situation, in which you tell them you are hoping to use surrogacy to make your family. By the way it’s fairly natural for people to have one set of standards for the general public and quite another for you! Next try to siphon out what real concerns and worries they have for you. Determine which are appear to you to be legitimate concerns and which are less likely risks.
For those who remain highly concerned and think you should just keep trying dinner and a movie, don’t give up on them. They just have your best interests at heart and can’t quite wrap their brains around this new fangled way to create a baby! Don’t give up hope. Even if they are the last hold out, up until your baby is born, you will be amazed what a job that baby will do to capture the heart of the last hold out! Just give them time and let nature take its course!
Lisa J Lafave, PhD, MBA, ACC
The Surrogacy Coach from Surrogacy Rocks
CEO & Founder of Coaching Rocks, LLC
A Single Mom By Choice Raising Surrogacy Twin Boys
Written in My Little Brick in University Heights, Ohio