I figured it out! The snowflakes cause distress because my heart and head are not on the same page. What makes sense intuitively and cerebrally, just doesn’t feel good to my heart yet.
But it’s coming. I went out and bought a piano for Jarvie and Giles today. It’s a Baldwin and has rich tones. It looks brand new but it’s used so it’s a pretty good value. Between the piano and the lessons for two it will be a bundle! Now imagine if I were paying for three or four or more. On the one hand more fun, but more labor intensive and many more dollars! So here is the reality of having 2 versus 3 or 4 children. In my current situation 2 is far more practical.
We are also going on vacation. We were supposed to first stay with my sister North Shore of Boston and then with my brother near Hanover, Vermont. Now if I had 4 kids would we really get an invitation? I think not. Moreover, the plans had to be altered because there will be a memorial service the weekend we were expected to be there. So we are staying at a Resort on Lake Fairlee and then moving onto a place on the beach in Rockport, MA. The places are small. If I had four kids the accommodations would have to be entirely different, as would the car we would rent.
These are just a few sobering thoughts, which help pull my heart out of the clouds and bring it back down to earth, where it belongs. You see I can be a soldier. And my snowflakes will be just fine. They will be given an opportunity to thaw out and have life. They will be afforded the right environment to make their journey and see if they can go from snowflakes to stickies. Stickies are embryos that implant or stick to the uterine wall and then grow and develop until it is their time to be born.
My egg donor is all for the donation. This is a very good thing too, because it can’t go forward without her written approval. This was all stipulated in my original contract with her.
Enough for now. More details later, as the story unfolds.
Lisa J Lafave, PhD, MBA, ACC
The Surrogacy Coach from Surrogacy Rocks
CEO & Founder of Coaching Rocks, LLC
A Single Mom By Choice Raising Surrogacy Twin Boys
Written in My Little Brick in University Heights, Ohio