How Open Will You be About Your Child’s Conception Story?

Everyone who has a baby the traditional way has their birth story. You will have a birth story too. What is unique is your conception story. It isn’t just dinner and a movie! In fact, it’s far more complicated! Some couples are unaware of the exact moment of conception. Others are keenly aware.

If you attend the embryo transfer, and I highly recommend that you do, you will not be present for the exact moment of conception, but for a very significant moment in the development of your child. The transfer was an extremely important moment in my life. A peak moment, if you will.

You will be surprised how many people will ask you questions about why your kids don’t have a father. And every time it will beg you to tell your surrogacy story. If you have time you may be pleased to educate and share the specifics of your story. Other times you’ll be frankly too busy! However, I do believe that your openness will inform your children as to how open they may be!

And people will ask your children about it too. So they need to be prepared for some answers.

When my boys were 2-3 years old Gilie asked me, “Mama how come we don’t have a Daddy?” I told him, “We just weren’t lucky enough!” I expounded that I wished we had a Daddy in our family, but that when it came right down to it, Mama just hadn’t been lucky enough to find the right guy.

About a month later, when we were at Family Place at the JCC, a friend from their class asked Giles why he didn’t have a Dad. You know what he said? He said, “We just weren’t lucky enough!” I was so glad I had given him the words already and so impressed that he remembered verbatim what I had said!

One friend who is the the mother of twins through surrogacy said to me, “I don’t know why I should talk about my kids’ conception, when no one else talks about their kid’s conceptio

Have it anyway you want! Talk it up or talk it down! Just realize this is something you will have to figure out. You will have to develop your own style, as to how you will handle these inquiries. Best of luck in your journey.

Comment below about the most surprising questions complete strangers have asked you about your family.

Lisa J Lafave, PhD, MBA, ACC
The Surrogacy Coach from Surrogacy Rocks
CEO & Founder of Coaching Rocks, LLC
A Single Mom By Choice Raising Surrogacy Twin Boys
Written in My Little Brick in University Heights, Ohio

Simple Pleasures on Fourth of July (2015)

My boys are lucky enough to have their friend Phinneas, from The Cleveland Institute of Music (CIM) Delcros Eurhythmics, join them for Fourth of July festivities.  I would like to go swimming at Purvis Park, our local swimming hole, but they just might not go for that.  You see, we went the other night with their babysitter, Sascha, and that might be enough for awhile!  Play is the theme of their day!  Either way, it’s going to be a special!

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Jarvie, Soren and Giles engaging in a little Fourth of July water play!

Regarding their evening plans, the boys have a sleep over at their friend Soren’s house, complete with a night in a tent, under the stars, in Soren’s backyard, as long as the weather holds up.  Looks like fireworks will take a back seat to tenting it in the old back yard!

As as it turned out, the evening would not have been complete without the traditional hunt for fireflies at dusk!  Fireflies ruled over fireworks this Fourth!  The boys were all vey impressed with their glow in the dark American flags and light up bracelets!  Small treasures still delight!  What fun!

Don’t be Afraid to Engage the Help of Others

imageAs I prepared for my back surgery, I looked for family and friends who might be able to take my children for a weekend.  My brother Willie and his wife Bonny graciously accepted caring for my boys this past weekend. Although it is a huge favor to ask someone to look after your children, there are dividends for everyone involved.  I went through this process last spring when my son Giles had open heart surgery.  Several families took my son Jarvie, so I could be home with Giles and help him calmly recover from his surgery.  Of course, I owe a huge debt of gratitude to each of these families.  My sister Annie played a special role last summer and not only cared for Jarvie here in Cleveland but also took him home to Boston for 10 days!

imageWhat I’ve discovered is that the intimacy that develops from providing primary care to a young child allows love to grow and bonds to form that without these special circumstances would never have been forged!  Can you see the love?

Share your very own experience soliciting the help of others.

Does a mother ever get to fully sleep?

 

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Cousin Brycie Reading to the Boys before Bed

My 5 year old twins are away for the weekend with my little brother Will and his family.  This weekend was supposed to be my chance to get a break and focus just on me, while I am recovering from spinal surgery.  I had big plans too.  I was supposed to go out for breakfast with my brother, Charlie, and a childhood friend, Dianne, was coming in from Kent for the afternoon.  But everything got dashed by the darn flu!  Bummer!  Now I tell you what, Recovery meets Flu meets Fibro is a complete pain in the neck!

This weekend is the first time the boys and I have been separated, without anyone being in the hospital, in more than five years.  What I’ve noticed before I got sick is that I’ve slept like a log.  The sleep was just been of a deeper quality than I can generally possibly attain.  Maybe there is something to that old wives’ tale that a mother sleeps with one eye open!